Two and a half months ago, I started a new job. And then, the pace of my life picked up. Longer hours, more distractions, coming home exhausted, spent.
Five weeks ago, my kids went back to school, and my life-pace picked up again. Mornings were shot—the primary focus became getting the kids on the bus. Evenings included picking Sophie up from tennis practice or getting her off to marching band. Some nights, we did both.
Around the time I started my job, I was doing a load of laundry. I noticed that the handle on our dryer was wobbly. Yes, the handle on our brand-new dryer was coming off. Our laundry appliances take a beating. Susan’s job, massage therapy, generates one to two loads of laundry per day. And a family genetic predisposition (passed down on Susan’s side of the family) dictates using each bath towel only once. This quirk has been fully passed on to my kids. We’ve got a towel-load every other day.
Our washers and dryers don’t last long, three or four years, tops. We tend to buy cheap units because it makes no sense to spend extra money on an expensive machine that will die in a few years.
The other night, somewhat late, I was washing Sophie’s tennis outfit. She had a match that day, and another one after school the next day. Tennis is a trying sport. They compete almost every day. But they only get one uniform. When I went to put the clothes in the dryer, I found that the handle was missing.
The next morning, I asked Susan about the dryer. That handle’s been gone for a month and a half. When was the last time I did laundry?
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My running program is in shambles. About a year ago, my weekly mileage was high. My weekend runs were measured in hours not miles. I finished the year with a 50K. I finished last year as a runner, an athlete . This spring, I backed off to shorter runs—three to four miles each—several times per week. But at the start of the summer, my calf began bugging me, and I stopped running all together. I laid around for about five weeks and then I started in slowly. Two mile runs. I figured I’d work up slowly over the next few months.
Back to that hectic life. Because of my mono-focus on my job and various other family responsibilities, my running plan never panned out. I never built up any mileage. In fact, I hardly went running at all. Typically, I headed out once on the weekend and maybe one more time during the week. My training calendar topped out at four miles per week.
I noticed this the other day. I’m starting to notice those things that I’m not getting done. The laundry, my runs, engaging with my children, with my wife. I’ve been walking around preoccupied, mentally worn out.
Yesterday, on my run, I decided to stretch out my mileage a little bit. I ran an easy, flat trail in the Gettysburg National Military Park. The park is primarily large open fields, but there are some long wooded trails used by hikers, runners and equestrians. About a mile into my run, I happened upon my friend Blair. He was hiking the trail with his wife, Katie. Blair’s another thing I’ve neglected since starting my job, so I stopped to talk with Katie and him. In our conversation, they asked me about my “new job.” I told them it isn’t my job any more. I just resigned. It wasn’t working out.
Blair knows me well. He, too, is a writer. We get together over coffee frequently to talk about our writing, hiking, life, and the general state of the world. His response. Well your mental health is more important than a job.
And so there it is. I’m unemployed now. Today is my first day as an adult that I don’t have a job. I’m working on my resume, crafting outreach letters, and knocking out some long overdue creative writing. Writing is yet another one of those things I’ve neglected for the past two and a half months.
Expect an up-tick in blogging. When things are bothering me, I find it helpful to write about them. And this terrifying decision I’ve just made is definitely bothering me.
The Other Stuff 
Things I haven’t done…that has been my life for the past 6 weeks or so, since school has started. Fall is usually pretty busy in our household. This coincides with lots of nurses quitting at my job and the expectation I will pick up extra shifts. I’m saying no from now on!
Your post makes me think about what I should be saying no to, and saying yes to the more important things in life.
Laundry is a monster that never goes away. My son is in football so there is always stinky clothes to be washed. He had been on the fence about doing a sport for the winter season, but now he has decided he doesn’t want to take a break. I was secretly hoping he might take a break to make life a more simple.
Good luck in the next chapter of your life.
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I hear you. I always want my kids to be involved, but then I get annoyed by all the extra running around it entails. My daughter is a year out from her drivers license. We’re all counting the days.
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My son is closer than that to getting his driver’s license. I’m sure what I trade in convenience I’ll be paying for in extra insurance premiums.
For the most part my college aged daughter is pretty cautious as far as driving so hopefully my son will take after my daughter.
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Oh man Jeff! The image of you not running and spending time with your family makes a sad vision… Take care of you and the things that matter most to you!
(PS, I know of a place that’s hiring a Membership Director 🙂 )
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Your job is probably not a good fit. I think there are people involved.
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True..people are involved… if it weren’t for them, it’s the perfect job 🙂
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Incredibly brave to take that step. I found when I am empty I have nothing to give to anyone including myself. Hope it works out for you.
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It truly came down to my health. I simply wasn’t functioning any more. I hope it works out too. I’ve gotten an incredible amount accomplished today, yet every second I screw around with my blog seems like an opportunity wasted. Susan says we need to get a long-term perspective going.
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As a (currently unpublished) writer with kids and a runner with a calf injury, I thoroughly enjoyed your blog.
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Damn, those calf injuries… You probably do a bunch of laundry as well.
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Brave. Very brave. Why do all the brave decisions also cause us so much stress, right? I hope the Universe rewards your bravery with something saner in terms of day-to-day work.
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My wife says risk feels so risky because it’s, well, risk.
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I am sure it was a terrifying decision. It sounds like you have a lot going on and a lot you wanted to do, but couldn’t get to with that job. I look forward to reading about you doing those things you weren’t able to do before. Thinking of you! Hoping the perfect job for you is the next job you get.
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Well really it all all about mental health. I was losing it.
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And that’s no good. I am glad you put your mental health first.
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I’ve been at home for the last 8 months . I was going to apply for a job with applications closed today. Then I got cold feet. I didn’t want to give up my free time in exchange for the job. My family is a bit better now that I am at home. I’m not as stressed out coming home to laundry everywhere dishes everywhere . Not sure about my mental state though 😊
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As for towels we change our towels once a week and even then I wash 2-3 loads a day as we’ve only got a small front loader. Touchwood our washer dryer lasts.
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Writing will help you realize that it was the right decision. Write on!
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Uh oh, I’m hearing my best friend nagging me about towels again…… “you should be coming out of the shower clean, so all the towel does is dry off the clean water on your skin. No need to wash them so often.”
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If you hang them on a towel rack just above the heating vent they should dry pretty quick and no musty smell and thus can be reused. I don’t use extra thick towels just medium. Dries quicker.
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It’s a very strong genetic predisposition. Defies logic.
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That’s what *I* say.
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Go Jeff! I really admire you. It’s great that you became aware of what the job was doing to you. So many people let it pass them by and its years before they know. Looking forward to seeing where the next part of your journey leads you.
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I’m looking forward to it too. Hoping for my dream job… whatever that is.
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