Two-thirty in the morning, awake, paralyzed with pain. I turned on the TV for distraction. Counting the minutes until my next morphine dose. This went badly. Me: Hey it’s been four hours since my last dose, can I have my morphine now? Nurse: I already gave you your morphine. You need to wait four more … Continue reading The Big Trees
Author: Jeff Cann
Fragility
Pattern in sand left by thirty to forty mile per hour winds -- Jeff, are you OK driving? Is the drop-off too steep? -- Dad, you’re really off balance, are you good? -- Jeff, did you eat enough for this hike? -- Dad, are you still feeling dizzy? -- Jeff, be careful, don’t touch that … Continue reading Fragility
Killing time at OAK
Monday: Most of us encounter these days. “It’s just part of traveling.” “Yeah, the sucky part.” Early in our relationship, the universe stranded Susan and me in Minneapolis. Thunderstorms rocked the eastern half of the U.S. “We’ll put you up in the Holiday Inn and book you on the next flight to Albuquerque.” After morning … Continue reading Killing time at OAK
Traumatized?
C.J. poked me today. Mr Cann, just checking in to see if you’re fine? Feel I’m going to worry that something random and terrible has happened any time there isn’t a blog post often enough! No kidding. She’s not the only one. Last Wednesday, I went to a spin class at the Y. As I … Continue reading Traumatized?
Alpha-Gal Syndrome or something like it
Alpha-Gal? No, it’s not a superhero from the 1960s. Not the PTA president at your kid’s elementary school. Not the captain of a cheerleading squad. Alpha-gal is an abbreviation, the familiar name of Alpha-galactosidase, an enzyme prevalent in red meat, and useful for breaking down oligosaccharides into monosaccharides in our digestive system. Beans, I’m talking … Continue reading Alpha-Gal Syndrome or something like it
Admitted
I drove into one of those industrial parks that sit out beyond the suburbs. Buildings lined the street in various stages of construction, off-white concrete, nondescript. Gravel parking lots surrounded by ten-inch-high curbs still awaited macadam and white lines. Yellow construction vehicles, all types—backhoes, dump trucks, bull dozers, steam rollers—scattered throughout the complex. Wide, desolate … Continue reading Admitted
A Parade of Names
Congrats! The Other Stuff is getting noticed. herekittykitty and 3,898 others have started receiving updates. Yay, a new follower. A parade of names, thousands of them. Are any of them real? They arrive, a steady drip, three, four, seven a day. Names lacking an account, just a string of letters—sometimes numbers—linked to nothing, maybe there's … Continue reading A Parade of Names
No More Bullshit
Trump 2020 – No More Bullshit. I saw that popular right-wing sign all over my county during the Black Lives Matter protests after George Floyd’s murder. What bullshit was that? You know, that people of color demanded not to be killed by police when confronted over minor infractions. I can’t think of a better phrase … Continue reading No More Bullshit
Junk Shops
Dammit. I can’t find that post. I searched the blog for flea market, junk and vendor. No luck. No patience either. I want to write, not browse someone else’s blog looking for a post I might never find. I read it during my transition phase, shortly after I attended the West Virginia writer’s workshop. I … Continue reading Junk Shops
Aware
Each year, I link a blog post on Facebook and call Tourette Syndrome Awareness month a success. In my mind, I check it off the list. I spread some awareness, time for a break—a 364-day break, well earned, I need the rest. Last year I linked my thoughts on the book Motherless Brooklyn, Jonathan Lethem’s … Continue reading Aware
Twenty Year Old Me from 1983
Sometimes I think of my phone as my best friend. Five years ago, I wrote an essay called Time Travel. I dismissed our current technological acuity as lightweight, more focused on entertaining ourselves with our cell phones than fixing the actual problems that plague society. Mostly, I focused on the severe diseases left unsolved from … Continue reading Twenty Year Old Me from 1983
Phone Call from the Future
Something's going on, and I'll probably never get it… --- Song lyric from She’s Crafty by the Beastie Boys I amaze myself at how incompetent I can be. If someone asked me what traits I hoped I instilled in my kids, my list would be 1) Politeness, 2) Empathy, and 3) Competence. That’s the order … Continue reading Phone Call from the Future
Devil’s Den
A thick layer of dust covers the path. With each footfall a small cloud explodes around my shoe. The last rain fell a week ago. Dry is an understatement. Years ago, I passed a couple with their toddler on this trail. The child sat in the dust, scraping together a mound, placing pebbles around the … Continue reading Devil’s Den
Putin Detonates a Tactical Nuke
Is this reckless? Alarming? Unnecessary? Am I jinxing the future by putting this in writing? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder drives me to click the Google Chrome icon more often than I like. I search for a distraction—a WordPress comment, a Facebook notification, an email from a friend. I search for news. The pandemic turned me into … Continue reading Putin Detonates a Tactical Nuke
Demonization
Mushrooms on the horizon You seem to sayNothing can be somethingIgnorance nowDominates the season -- Lyrics to Round by Public Image Ltd. Last night at Walmart, I saw a bumper sticker that rattled me. I’m a Republican because we can’t all be on welfare. This morning, when I woke up, I felt disjointed and uneasy. … Continue reading Demonization
Hrurh
I don’t check my pulse; I don’t check my blood pressure. I sit with a tight chest, constricted lungs, rigid, like they might crack if I breathe too deeply. I woke today with a headache. I went to bed last night with the same headache. I made no progress over night. I worried when I … Continue reading Hrurh
Twilight Zone
Diane died yesterday. Diane is my stepmother, was. Or maybe ‘my father’s wife’ is a better description. They dated and then married while I was in my thirties, long after I needed mothering. Sort of—an adult, obviously, but still immature. At the family dinner the night before their wedding, I toasted my wicked stepmother, … Continue reading Twilight Zone
Anger is an Energy
Content warning: Old, obscure rock lyrics. They put a hot wire to my head'Cos of the things I did and saidAnd made these feelings go awayModel citizen in every way Anger is an energy!Anger is an energy!Anger is an energy!Anger is an energy! —excerpts from Rise by Public Image Ltd I drove to York … Continue reading Anger is an Energy
Antisocial Distance
I find myself backing up, stepping away. I want to say too close or give me some space. I want to grab a mask. The mask mandate at work lifted when the CDC told us to relax a few weeks ago. The pandemic ended, at least for the vaxxed. That first week, nothing changed for … Continue reading Antisocial Distance
Reentry into the World
Morning: My brain says get out and run. My body doesn’t move. The temperature dropped—forty-nine and windy, overcast, damp, gray. A step backwards, as if winter isn’t quite done with us, wearing us down, reeling us in. I prefer yesterday—sunny, breezy, seventy. A perfect day, but I didn’t run. I went to the YWCA spin-a-thon … Continue reading Reentry into the World
The Other Stuff 