Today I quit my job. Well, I haven’t told anyone yet, so: Today I decided to quit my job. And it isn’t my real job, not the one that supports my family. It’s my hobby-job. My fun job. My job as a spin instructor. The joy is gone. Tonight was the second week in a … Continue reading A most unusual resignation letter
Mental Health
Careen
Six-year-old me at the top of a hill. Straddling my bike, everything normal except the absence of a chain. “This will be great,” they said. “Without breaks, you’ll go faster.” 1969, a blue Schwinn with a white seat, a twenty-inch job. Still too big for teeny, tiny me. The ubiquitous stingray design that dominated the … Continue reading Careen
An itch I gotta scratch
My workplace is large. It’s a community center: a weight room, basketball courts, aerobics rooms, swimming pool, child care center, coffee shop. Tying it all together is a long, straight hallway—a hallway I travel several times a day. Gazing down the hall, I can be seen walking with purpose… on my way to get things … Continue reading An itch I gotta scratch
Live each day without judgement
I’m goal oriented—meaning I aim towards setting goals. And then I nail them. Find the right medication for Tourettes, run a 50K, score a new job; these are a few from the past year, all complete. The year before that had a few as well: publish a book and quit drinking are a couple of … Continue reading Live each day without judgement
A new me
The drinker who doesn’t drink. That’s me. I quit eighteen months ago. No backsliding, no cheating. Once I got through the first few months, it hasn’t really been that bad. I have Tourettes Syndrome. But you’d never know it. My tics are fully in control. Effectively medicated with no obvious side-effects. As an added bonus, … Continue reading A new me
Careful what you wish for
I just went beyond two weeks without posting anything new. What have I been up to? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Bored. That’s the only accurate description. I go to work and then wait for something to happen. I wait for some problem—preferably a crisis—that requires my attention. But it doesn’t happen. Everyone is … Continue reading Careful what you wish for
The Gift Card
I’ll be honest. I was after the gift card. Fifty dollars, Amazon.com—that’s a lot of music. I teach a spin class each week. That’s an exercise class on stationary bicycles. The music is an important part of the experience. And I’ve been wanting to upgrade my music library for months now. But my pay for … Continue reading The Gift Card
“Hey, I should warn you, Charlene has googly eyes.” “What does that mean?” They pop way out, like on a frog… or a bug.” “Um, thanks for the warning.” At the start of my career, I worked for a Fortune 500 defense contractor called TRW. One company, 30,000 employees. In an effort to maintain a … Continue reading Google
The Blue Trail
A longish short story that I classify as Almost Fiction. A fairly dramatic departure from my usual writing. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Shovel in hand, part-way through the job of replacing my sump-pump drainage pipe, I first caught sight of Pat. I was still digging out the decayed tar-paper piping that was … Continue reading The Blue Trail
Stepped Outside the World
Caution, old dude writing. Some of my references are older than my readers. I’ve included links to Wikipedia so you can figure out what the hell I’m talking about. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I’m not sure when it started. Five months ago? Five years? And I’m not sure when it was complete. But by … Continue reading Stepped Outside the World
Below the Surface
Hey Jeff, I didn’t realize there was an exclusivity of using the tag “tourettes”. This is news to me. I won’t be taking up your kind offer to read your post. But thanks! I’ve had only one snarky encounter in WordPress. It was a fight that I picked. That was the response. Like many WordPress … Continue reading Below the Surface
Red Light
Before Instagram. Before Snapchat. Before Oovoo, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, MySpace or email, there was the telephone. In 1986, twenty-three years old, I took a business trip. Two weeks in Denver for training on a workplace population tracking program. I worked for the mega-firm TRW. A government contractor with tens of thousands of employees. So many … Continue reading Red Light
Tiny Man
(Fiction) I started painting again, after the trial ended. When I began my mandatory therapy program. I take the therapy seriously. It would be a waste of time if I didn't. But I can’t tell if Dr. Mayes does. For her, meeting with me seems like a chore. Like it's her sentence as well as … Continue reading Tiny Man
Drugs
Monday morning at 7:00AM: I’m sitting down to write. I’ve read the news, stretched my body, done my part in getting my kids on their school bus, and made myself presentable for work. It’s been a productive morning. Over the weekend, I seamlessly traded off between chores, exercise, reading, errands, volunteer work and spending time … Continue reading Drugs
Mind Control
Twenty-seven comments. Ninety-two likes. 3,475 followers. There are some pretty popular blogs out here. Not mine, but some of the others. Almost all of the others. I’m pissed, I’m pouting, perplexed. My fifteen-month old blog is gearing up to top one hundred followers. Sure, WordPress is littered with unattended blogs with tens of followers. But … Continue reading Mind Control
My moment in the sun(room)
January 8: Sunday, 4:00 PM. Susan is next to me on the couch, sleeping. Tommy (the cat) is sitting next to her, eyes closed, content. Roz (the other cat) is in the recliner, sound asleep. Sophie is in the next room, separated from us by a half wall, a large open window between the rooms. … Continue reading My moment in the sun(room)
Caffeinated
7:15 on Tuesday morning. Not a specific Tuesday morning, but any Tuesday morning. My laptop’s on my lap, and my coffee is next to me on a coaster. Printed on that coaster is “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” It’s a gift from a friend who enjoyed my essay “Dewey Finn and the Dunder Chief” in … Continue reading Caffeinated
The Placebo Effect
If I were to rate my days (and that’s exactly the sort of thing I would do) yesterday was a nine. Not a ten because I was at work, and I didn’t go running, but I’ll take my nine. For the past three months, I’ve been scoring fives… or less. Less: After a string of … Continue reading The Placebo Effect
Panic
Jan 2 - Panic. Weighing me down. Tugging at my feet. Pulling me beneath the surface. I’ve been swimming on the edge of a panic attack for twelve hours, so I’ve carved out some time to write about it. Typically, I call these anxiety attacks, but right now what I’m feeling is panicky. My medications … Continue reading Panic
The Break Down
“Dad, why don’t we call a friend?” Broken down on a country road… after dark… eighteen degrees, windy. Susan took the ‘good’ car, we took the pickup. A 1995 Dodge Dakota. It’s fun to drive around town, but you don’t want to rely on it—on a country road, after dark, when it’s really cold. “Dad, … Continue reading The Break Down
