Eyes clenched, squeezed like a pair of fists, seconds before a fight. Eyeballs lurch, left then right, pushing ripples behind my bunched-up lids. Rapid eye movements in a dream of pain. Probing for that sandpapery spot—oh, they itch so much. I think no one is watching. Teeth on edge, scraping, my jaw gliding, forward and … Continue reading Motions of Tourette
Mental Health
(Flash) Natural order of things
Me, in his office: defensive, insecure. Him behind his desk: Disapproving, judgmental. “You’ll quit drinking,” he says. Not a suggestion, not a request. A declaration. An intervention. “I’m only here for my meds, my antidepressants.” Medication management, no prescription without a discussion. Power of suggestion? Voodoo? A good read of character? Yes, he was right. … Continue reading (Flash) Natural order of things
Maintenance Mode
I’m in a rut. Those things I do for fun—my hobbies—they aren’t so fun anymore. They used to be, but not recently. Some of my hobbies, it’s been years: no longer enjoyable, but they’re still my hobbies. I haven’t found replacements yet. I haven’t ridden a bicycle this year; I’m a cyclist. It’s what I … Continue reading Maintenance Mode
Educate
Tourette Syndrome (TS or Tourettes) is a neurological disorder characterized by repetitive, stereotyped, involuntary movements and vocalizations called tics. God! This topic again? Can you tolerate another blog post about mental health? About Tourette Syndrome? About oddity? About me? It’s TS Awareness Month, therefore I feel the need to hammer you (again) with messages about … Continue reading Educate
Doubt
Awareness versus self-pity. It can be a fine line. It’s now Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month (May 15 – June 15). Past years, in commemoration of this month, I’ve dredged up one of my old blog essays portraying my struggles with Tourettes, my struggles with tics and my comorbids (those conditions that often accompany Tourettes: which … Continue reading Doubt
Back Burner
Last July, I started a new job. By the end of my second day, I knew I made a mistake. The work didn’t remotely match the tasks we discussed during my two interviews, and my boss, the CEO of the organization, was abusive and demeaning. I became increasingly depressed and by the end of my … Continue reading Back Burner
Marjory Stoneman Douglas
In my rural white farming community, often derided as Trump Country by the media, children walked out of school not to protest gun laws, but in memory of the seventeen Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school students who were killed when a murderer, rampaging through their building with an assault rifle, ended their lives. Our school … Continue reading Marjory Stoneman Douglas
Dear Boss,
Dear Boss, We’ve been working together for five months. I just passed another anniversary. What do you know about me so far? I’ve learned a lot since I started at the agency. Not about accounting; that aspect of the job is more of the same; I’ve been doing this for decades. Not about my coworkers, … Continue reading Dear Boss,
Disease
Disease. I’ve been using this word frequently. Not out loud, but in my head. And always pertaining to myself. Disease: not meaning ill, tainted or disordered. But literally the opposite—the reverse of—ease. Pronounce it dis-ease. [Dis: a Latin prefix meaning “apart,” “asunder,” “away” or having a negative, or reversing force—used freely, especially with these latter … Continue reading Disease
On OCD
We are the new Americana High on legal marijuana Raised on Biggie* and Nirvana We are the new Americana -- Lyrics from New Americana by Halsey August 10, 1995 “Hey Tiffany, I’m really sorry for you that Jerry Garcia+ died.” “Thanks, Jeff. It’s such a shock.” “Yeah, I remember how I felt when Kurt Cobain++ … Continue reading On OCD
Out and about
Today I'm honored to be invited as a guest-blogger on ScottRCyre.com. Scott is an author, a freelance copywriter, and a Christian Pastor. He and I have been friends on WordPress for a couple of years now. Check out my post, An Itch I Gotta Scratch, and check out Scott's blog. -- Jeff
A thousand people in the street
A thousand people in the street Singing songs and carrying signs Mostly say, hooray for our side This lyric (from For What It's Worth by Stephen Stills of the Buffalo Springfield) is over fifty years old. But it could have been written yesterday… literally, yesterday. Gettysburg, like much of the United States, had a Women’s … Continue reading A thousand people in the street
A Christmas Carol
I just read Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (again). Each December, as I browse the stacks of my local library, I see the same copy of the book placed strategically on the end of an aisle. Each aisle-end has three clear plastic shelves attached to it. In my opinion, these shelves come off looking extremely … Continue reading A Christmas Carol
Facebook my Wordpress
I can’t think of single thing to write. This has been going on all week. I sat down the morning after the Alabama Senate election, and I couldn’t get started. I wrote a halfhearted paragraph, and then I packed it in. The rest of the week’s been a blank page. There are things I want … Continue reading Facebook my WordPress
R.E.M.
Stephen King is my favorite author. This is less of a declaration than a confession; he’s not that great a writer. His stories are usually long, unedited monsters that draw in unnecessary subplots, and drone on and on with overly expansive writing. As a master of imaginative stories, he expects no imagination from his readers. … Continue reading R.E.M.
“O” Brother
I didn’t know whether to call this post “O” Brother or “O” Well. The “O” is the important part of the title. It’s the O in OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I’ve got that one. And not the cute kind as seen on TV. Not the neatnik variety from shows like Monk. My OCD, when active, … Continue reading “O” Brother
Renewal
Every so often, I’ll read a post that’s eerily similar to one I recently published. Too similar. They clearly—I think—stole the idea from me. And I say “Heeeyy, uncool. At least give me a shout-out!” I’m stepping into that realm today, and I don’t want to be accused of plagiarism, idea theft, unoriginality. Yesterday morning, … Continue reading Renewal
Something’s up
People change. Overtime, over the years, personalities morph. They bend, adjust, reboot. Introverts become extroverted. The immature find maturity. The hopeful become bitter. The shy become bold. Introverted by nature, I like to be alone. My hobbies, distance running and reading, are solitary activities. Time spent quietly in my own head. Only myself as company. … Continue reading Something’s up
“Susan”
Quinn calls her fiancé “Scrubs.” Marie Christine calls her husband “Not Tom Brady.” The Boeskool calls his wife “my wife.” A runner/blogger I sometimes read named Sam calls his wife “Mrs. Sam.” In my blog, I call my wife “Susan,” which may or may not be her real name. My favorite author is the wildly … Continue reading “Susan”
Messy
My public self: confident, controlled, together. And then I blog: vulnerable, messy, confused. Tourette Syndrome. The tics I suppress with medications, mostly: Thigh-punching. Eye-rolling. Body-scratching. Tooth-scraping. Grunting. Pay attention, you see them, hear them. I lack repose. Always moving, twitching. My brain in motion, fueled by anxiety. By obsession. By worry. Those conditions that accompany … Continue reading Messy
