“My mom has worms in her butt.” Aw, kids say the darndest things. Fortunately, at least for Susan, this wasn’t my kid. It was my nephew. Announcing a fact about his mom. Worms! Butt! This was old news. Decades old. Said mom, Carolyn, had pinworms when she was a child. Her son, now six, just … Continue reading Worms
Author: Jeff Cann
Living in 2A
** I welcome feedback... Non-aggressive, thoughtful feedback. ** ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ If I can convince just one person… I’ve achieved nothing at all. I have a rocket-propelled grenade launcher. I have a dragonfly sized drone capable of delivering a fatal dose of poison. I have a tactical nuclear weapon stored in large suitcase … Continue reading Living in 2A
My Intervention(s)
This year I gave up drinking. I quit my lifelong addiction. Or my adult life addiction—it didn’t really start until I was fourteen. And it didn’t gain any consistency until I was off in college at seventeen. For twenty years I was a heavy drinker—a drinker focused on getting drunk. But as I settled down … Continue reading My Intervention(s)
Dead Man in the Surf
Down by the ocean it was so dismal Women all standing with shock on their faces Sad description, oh I was just looking for you Desk clerk told me, girl was washed up Was small, an angel with apple blonde hair, now I went looking for you, are you gone, gone? --- Punk/Poet Patti Smith, … Continue reading Dead Man in the Surf
Ring Dings
It was a sandwich rotation. Listed in order of preference: 1) Cream cheese with grape jelly 2) Tuna 3) Bologna and cheese 4) Peanut butter with orange marmalade 5) Underwood Deviled Ham 1968: I was in first grade. Just beginning my long career as a lunch packer, a brown bagger—except I had a Peanuts lunchbox. … Continue reading Ring Dings
Fat Jesus
“Thanks for that image, Jeff. All afternoon I’ve been envisioning a Buddha jiggling and bouncing down a wooded trail.” This is a comment I got on a recent blog post about trail running. In this post, I included the popular Buddhist quote ‘Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.’ This response surprised me. First off, I … Continue reading Fat Jesus
My Lonely, Forgotten Beer
Taco Tuesday—it always seems like such a good idea. An easy meal to make, and everyone loves it. An unconstrained variety of ingredients, anyone’s perfect meal. Shrimp and black beans for me, spicy beef and cheese for my kids, Susan likes tacos as a vehicle for avocados and Cholula. We all like the salsa. But … Continue reading My Lonely, Forgotten Beer
A Girl and a Band
Sonic Youth – so cool, they’re hard to like. The band started in 1981. But they took eleven years to catch my attention. Before the internet, discovering a new band was hit or miss. DC's one 'alternative' radio station, WHFS was gearing up for its corporate sellout in 1983, and its ultimate twenty year decline. The … Continue reading A Girl and a Band
Suffering
A popular Buddha quote: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Clearly, the Buddha wasn’t a trail runner. There’s a more recent quote about suffering, this one by Greg LeMond, but I can’t find it anywhere but in my memory – so I’ve probably got it all wrong. My recollection: LeMond said “getting shot in a … Continue reading Suffering
Stealth?
In a town this size, there's no place to hide Everywhere you go you meet someone you know -- John Prine The whole setup seems sketchy. It's the only place I know in town with its principal entrance in an alley. You park out of sight from the street – nestled in the midst of … Continue reading Stealth?
The Best Songs You Won’t Hear in Spin Class
January 17, 2015 Energy, anger, humor, disdain, resignation. A driving beat. Guitar, bass, drums. Raw and sparse. A recipe for punk rock. It cannot be pulled together like the ingredients in a cake. It forms naturally, holistically. And at times, it's art. It's not for everyone. Many don't like it. Or they don't understand it. I've … Continue reading The Best Songs You Won’t Hear in Spin Class
Symphony of Sounds
This story could be considered a prequel to my BABWTR series. It was featured in Issue #7 of Like the Wind Magazine under the title "Grunting." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ It's unseasonably cold, the edge of freezing. The sky is glazed with dawn. But I'm not expecting a sunrise – they’re calling for … Continue reading Symphony of Sounds
Dry
Christ, I feel like shit. My teeth hurt. They feel rattled, loose. Like I've been punched in the jaw – more than once. I'm grinding so hard, my tooth-alignment is actually changing. My bite is crooked. My head aches; My neck is stiff; I'm so agitated, it's hard to take a deep breath. A few … Continue reading Dry
The Whistle Pig
The Whistle Pig has spoken, winter’s over. Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow this year. In my house, watching Phil’s forecast live on TV is an important annual event. I’m obsessed with Bill Murray’s masterpiece-movie, Groundhog Day. Murray is given the curse – or gift – of living the same day over and over until … Continue reading The Whistle Pig
Spinning, Running, Bikes, Bikes, Bikes
Note: #4 in the BABWTR Series - my quest to become a Bad-Ass Back-Woods Trail-Runner. Each stands alone, but it is helpful to read them in order. I commute to work every day on my bicycle. I ride a mile! A half-mile in the morning, and a half-mile back home in the evening. Sometimes, … Continue reading Spinning, Running, Bikes, Bikes, Bikes
Stephen King
In high school, I gave up his books. I quit right in the middle of the Dead Zone. I was binging: Carrie, Night Shift, The Shining, The Stand, and then half of the Dead Zone – one after another, all at once. I was having dreams. Not exactly bad dreams, but unsettling ones. So I … Continue reading Stephen King
Junk (BABWTR #3)
It’s been years since I’ve gone for a jog. In fact, it’s been so long that the last time I jogged, we still called it jogging. Now it’s called Zone Two running. That sounds cooler, but it’s the same thing. I’ve always called jogging Junk Miles. Not easy enough for recovery, not hard enough to … Continue reading Junk (BABWTR #3)
Radicalized Patriots
Man, people are pissed. I am too. Luckily we have someone to blame. It's all Obama's fault. Seven years ago, it was all Bush's fault. In a little over a year from now, everything will be better. President Trump or President Clinton will fix everything... until they don't. And then we'll just blame them. Refusing … Continue reading Radicalized Patriots
SPOT On – (BABWTR #2)
Part of my BABWTR (BabyWater) series. My quest to turn myself into a Bad-Ass Back-Woods Trail-Runner. The series is most satisfying if you start reading at #1. * * * * * * * * * "What I really want is a way for Susan to track my location while I run... oh, and I need to … Continue reading SPOT On – (BABWTR #2)
BABWTR #1 – The Beginning
Kill your TV. This is a bumper sticker on the back of my pickup truck. I'm not trying to be cool. I'm not trying to set myself above the hoi polloi, the masses, with their Walking Dead and their Games of Thrones or whatever TV show is popular right now. I just don't like TV. … Continue reading BABWTR #1 – The Beginning
The Other Stuff 