Something's going on, and I'll probably never get it… --- Song lyric from She’s Crafty by the Beastie Boys I amaze myself at how incompetent I can be. If someone asked me what traits I hoped I instilled in my kids, my list would be 1) Politeness, 2) Empathy, and 3) Competence. That’s the order … Continue reading Phone Call from the Future
Memoir
Twilight Zone
Diane died yesterday. Diane is my stepmother, was. Or maybe ‘my father’s wife’ is a better description. They dated and then married while I was in my thirties, long after I needed mothering. Sort of—an adult, obviously, but still immature. At the family dinner the night before their wedding, I toasted my wicked stepmother, … Continue reading Twilight Zone
Too Old for HIIT
We grew too old, Susan and me. I worked at the fitness center, not in the gym or the pool, but upstairs with the management. I worked out the finances. Twice a week, I biked in before sunrise to instruct spin classes. These are in the news lately, spin classes, the online ones. Peloton made … Continue reading Too Old for HIIT
The Calm and the Storm
I have an annoying habit. Actually, I’ve got dozens of annoying habits, but I’m only writing about one of them. If someone says something that reminds me of a song lyric, I sing it. “Aw, that’s cute,” you say. No, it’s not, I’m as tone deaf as a stone. I can’t carry a tune. ♫ … Continue reading The Calm and the Storm
Song Lyric Sunday
Yellow matter custardDripping from a dead dog's eyeCrabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestessBoy, you've been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down I am the egg manThey are the egg menI am the walrusGoo goo g'joob It’s gone six weeks since I last participated in Song Lyric Sunday. The website host, always somewhat chilly in his … Continue reading Song Lyric Sunday
Black Friday
I shopped Black Friday once. Twenty-five years ago, my soon to be sister-in-law’s BFF hosted a wedding shower the day after Thanksgiving. A traditional thing, they invited no men. Susan and I, along with my future in-laws descended on a densely populated town outside New York City. Because White Plaines is the only such town … Continue reading Black Friday
Epiphany
Rud waits at obvious landmarks and forks in the trail. When I catch up, he rides off again, steering his mountain bike over rocks and roots or a log now and then. I follow, but each time, he’s quickly out of sight. I stop worrying about holding him up. I can’t ride any faster, I’m … Continue reading Epiphany
My Fix
I bought M&Ms at lunch today—Peanut M&Ms, my long-time favorite… at least until a couple of years ago. Like all familiar products from my childhood, Mars added options, lots of options. I think the idea is to flood shelf space with M&Ms and leave less room for Reese’s Pieces. Let me introduce you to the … Continue reading My Fix
Entry into the World of Reading
When did it start for you? I was fifteen. Home from school, sick with the flu. I suppose it was one of those late-illness recovery days where I was still too sick to leave the house but well enough to be bored silly. This was 1977. No internet, no DVDs or VCR, no video games. … Continue reading Entry into the World of Reading
Tourette
Tics: Involuntary movements and vocalizations… I sit at my desk and grit my teeth—first my molars, they squeak with friction, then my eye teeth, left then right. I press outward with my bottom teeth, until I feel movement. When I eat my apple, my jaw locks. It audibly snaps with every bite. I probe the … Continue reading Tourette
Metal Firecracker
First off, I’m breaking the rules. This story isn’t about a song lyric referencing Heavenly Bodies, Planets, Moons, Suns or Stars, which is this week’s Song Lyric Sunday theme. Building off a complying lyric is how the game is supposed to be played. I’m posting this up front so no one feels cheated. At the … Continue reading Metal Firecracker
Hello?
When he spoke, the hairs on my neck stood on end. Clichéd, sure, but it happened. My blood ran cold, my heart stopped, I jumped out of my skin. Ok, those things didn’t happen, but I tell you, I was scared. My boss warned me the school was haunted. I already knew. I felt it … Continue reading Hello?
The Emptied Nest
Eli left a couple of hours ago, a sudden invitation. Sophie’s away at college. Unexpectedly the nest emptied tonight. Susan and I are on our own all weekend. No kids, a preview of the near future. This should have happened before. Sophie’s been gone for a year. But during last school year, no overnight outings … Continue reading The Emptied Nest
AF
Computers are creepy. Years ago, I decided to cut my own hair. Before that, I went to a salon. Not a barber, a salon. When I moved to Gettysburg, the Welcome Wagon, which is simply an old lady who comes to your house, gave me a coupon for a free haircut at Georgia’s Mane Attraction. … Continue reading AF
One in a Thousand
We parked in a field. The cars around us a cross section of what you see on a Pennsylvania highway, but skewed heavy towards pickup trucks. We left our pickup at home. It’s low on gas. Until last year a Sunoco station sat at the entrance to our neighborhood. When we needed gas, an eight-minute … Continue reading One in a Thousand
Tonight wild heights we’ll hit
My hearing sucks. My long slide into a muffled world started decades ago. Early on, my propensity to turn up the TV volume annoyed my family. My endless stream of misheard words and missed statements frustrated my coworkers. “WHAT?” Hearing loss isn’t linear. Some frequencies fade faster than others. Like most people, I first lost … Continue reading Tonight wild heights we’ll hit
Twenty Years
Where were you? I was at work. The first one to arrive that morning, I settled into some serious spreadsheeting in my quiet office. They called me a wizard. Back then, I could make a spreadsheet do just about anything. Around eight, Dorothy came in. I thought of her as an old lady, pushing retirement, … Continue reading Twenty Years
The Lasting Impact of The Walking Dead
Zombies? Seriously? I enter work through the garage, LED-lit, bright, white light, always illuminated because of confusing signage. A white placard above the light switch, black lettering highlighted yellow: "This Light Must Stay On." I interpret this to mean during working hours, but the cleaning crew takes it literally. They leave the light on all … Continue reading The Lasting Impact of The Walking Dead
Bricks
They gathered outside the Ugly Mug, I saw them when I drove by—smiling, laughing, relaxed. Radiating a glow only possible after a long run on a cool morning. Content. Gettysburg has three coffee shops, the good one, the popular one and Starbucks. I use Starbucks, or I did before the pandemic. I broke that habit; … Continue reading Bricks
Rage/Recovery
Warning: Language Monkey Gone to Heaven—if you know a Pixies song, this is probably it. It’s the only one I ever heard on the radio. Or maybe Where is My Mind?—the musical backdrop to Tyler Durden’s anarchist Project Mayhem explosions at the end of the movie Fight Club. You might know these, but not You … Continue reading Rage/Recovery
The Other Stuff 