Hey Jeff, I didn’t realize there was an exclusivity of using the tag “tourettes”. This is news to me. I won’t be taking up your kind offer to read your post. But thanks! I’ve had only one snarky encounter in WordPress. It was a fight that I picked. That was the response. Like many WordPress … Continue reading Below the Surface
Red Light
Before Instagram. Before Snapchat. Before Oovoo, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, MySpace or email, there was the telephone. In 1986, twenty-three years old, I took a business trip. Two weeks in Denver for training on a workplace population tracking program. I worked for the mega-firm TRW. A government contractor with tens of thousands of employees. So many … Continue reading Red Light
Newbie, again
“Mr. Cann, we expect you to stay off of that trail. You need to give the woods a chance to rehabilitate.” Eighteen months ago, a pair of park service cops arrived at my door. They gave me crap about the wooded-trail starting behind my house. Decades ago, I was a hardcore runner. A serious ten-miler, … Continue reading Newbie, again
Tiny Man
I started painting again, after the trial ended. When I began my mandatory therapy program. I take the therapy seriously. It would be a waste of time if I didn't. But I can’t tell if Dr. Mayes does. For her, meeting with me seems like a chore. Like it's her sentence as well as mine. … Continue reading Tiny Man
Ennui
Warning: This is long - 2,700 words. Ruminate on my past. Young-adult D.C. shuts down on Thanksgiving weekend. By young-adult, I mean over-twenty-one-but-not-yet-married-and-raising-families. As opposed to the literary genre that attracts readers aged eleven to seventeen. DC's young professionals, the yuppies, they all clear out. They go back to wherever they came from. They spend a … Continue reading Ennui
Drugs
Monday morning at 7:00AM: I’m sitting down to write. I’ve read the news, stretched my body, done my part in getting my kids on their school bus, and made myself presentable for work. It’s been a productive morning. Over the weekend, I seamlessly traded off between chores, exercise, reading, errands, volunteer work and spending time … Continue reading Drugs
Cold Laser
The whistle pig whiffed. The groundhog goofed. The woodchuck choked. Punxsutawney Phil botched his forecast. Six more weeks of winter? That was a fail. Saturday, February 20: sunny, breezy, seventy degrees. It looks like we’re going to get a week of this. This is not the winter weather Phil predicted. But I’m not complaining. Typically, … Continue reading Cold Laser
*Not* my Nobel Prize
Lifestyle blogger Charlotte Graham nominated me for the Getting to Know You Award. This sort of recognition is pretty far outside my comfort and interest zone, but I suppose I deserve it. I just got through crying about how I’m not getting enough WordPress love. Charlotte writes an active blog equally split between food, fashion, … Continue reading *Not* my Nobel Prize
Mind Control
Twenty-seven comments. Ninety-two likes. 3,475 followers. There are some pretty popular blogs out here. Not mine, but some of the others. Almost all of the others. I’m pissed, I’m pouting, perplexed. My fifteen-month old blog is gearing up to top one hundred followers. Sure, WordPress is littered with unattended blogs with tens of followers. But … Continue reading Mind Control
The Hair Wiz
Self-reflection: I’m notoriously cheap. At least when it comes to buying stuff for myself. I’ll wear my clothes to the point of disintegration; dinner leftovers, no matter how unappealing, I throw together and take to work for my lunch (pasta mixed with rice and doused with Cholula?); and paying for a haircut strikes me as equivalent to throwing … Continue reading The Hair Wiz
Caffeinated
7:15 on Tuesday morning. Not a specific Tuesday morning, but any Tuesday morning. My laptop’s on my lap, and my coffee is next to me on a coaster. Printed on that coaster is “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” It’s a gift from a friend who enjoyed my essay “Dewey Finn and the Dunder Chief” in … Continue reading Caffeinated
What’s in your Heart
Me: "I feel like I should be writing about the Trump presidency. I’m not doing my part." Susan: "You need to write what’s in your heart." Susan says something like this every day. It’s a bit like living with a Buddhist monk. Of course, she’s right. I don’t pick a topic and write about it, … Continue reading What’s in your Heart
Prindle
Prindle: I like that word. (Hint: Automatic transmission) From time to time, I write about my pickup truck. But not because I’m a “vehicle-guy.” I don’t lust after fancy cars, cool trucks, or the latest driving gadgets. For me, cars are simply a mechanism to get from one place to the next, period. And the … Continue reading Prindle
Day of Patriotism
As the world of reality TV crashes headlong into a dystopian future, President Trump calls for a Day of Patriotism. I’ve always thought that Independence Day, the good ol’ Fourth of July, was our long-standing day of patriotism, but apparently, it’s not enough. The motto of our future holiday? Love it or leave it! The … Continue reading Day of Patriotism
Bad Ass?
Babywater! Remember that? It’s the phonic rendition of my personal acronym BABWTR. Those who have been reading my blog since the beginning (possibly that’s only my wife, Susan) know all about this. For those of you who weren’t around or can’t remember, I’ve written ten posts about my half-assed attempt to become a Bad Ass … Continue reading Bad Ass?
The Placebo Effect
If I were to rate my days (and that’s exactly the sort of thing I would do) yesterday was a nine. Not a ten because I was at work, and I didn’t go running, but I’ll take my nine. For the past three months, I’ve been scoring fives… or less. Less: After a string of … Continue reading The Placebo Effect
Panic
Jan 2 - Panic. Weighing me down. Tugging at my feet. Pulling me beneath the surface. I’ve been swimming on the edge of a panic attack for twelve hours, so I’ve carved out some time to write about it. Typically, I call these anxiety attacks, but right now what I’m feeling is panicky. My medications … Continue reading Panic
Carrie & George
Today, I’m revisiting a topic I wrote about over two years ago… I’m even starting with the same sentence: http://undercrust.blogspot.com/2014/11/pre-apocalypse.html I’m going to live forever. Ask my kids, they’ll tell you. They’ve been hearing about it for years. Immortality is my mantra; something I talk about constantly. For the past ten years, I’ve been boasting … Continue reading Carrie & George
Christmas Kabobs
A few days ago, Gettysburg Area Middle School served up Christmas dinner. Never mind that it’s a public school, and they should be serving a holiday dinner. We don’t wage war against Christmas here. We have a Christmas tree in the town’s center square. And a nativity scene a dozen yards away. The GAMS band … Continue reading Christmas Kabobs
Mr. Marks’ Christmas Dose
“Christmas? No, we’re not open on Christmas.” Adam turned away from the counter, trying to look distracted by a display of button batteries. “Well, I don’t like that at all. What if I miscalculate my pill supply? What if I drop them in the toilet? I did that once.” Mr. Marks unloaded his basket—One-A-Day vitamins, … Continue reading Mr. Marks’ Christmas Dose
The Other Stuff 