Later on, we’ll conspire

Russian bots swarming the internet, intent on disrupting our election

Today, I join the nut-cases. I hope our relationship survives, yours and mine. A couple of months ago I unfollowed a blogger. She wrote inventive poetry and gut-wrenching prose about her childhood spent with her physically abusive father. I counted her as one of my favorite blogging friends. But her blog became a steady stream of posts espousing various conspiracy theories. I couldn’t take it. I had to leave. Now it’s my turn.

Do you follow Q? Not follow like an adherent, not one of those people at a Trump rally holding up a QAnon placard above their bright, red MAGA hat. Are you following the news story? I just started last month. I never watch TV news. And my commute takes about five minutes, so I don’t really listen to the news on the radio either. The only news I read is what I click on from the Washington Post and CNN websites. Those QAnon links, I ignored them for months.

QAnon, summarized from Wikipedia:  There is a worldwide cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles who rule the world and control everything. They control the politicians. They control the media. They control Hollywood. They would have continued ruling the world, were it not for the election of Donald Trump. He is the only hope. He keeps the cabal in check. The world would be ignorant of this behind-the-scenes battle were it not for “Q.” Q is the poster who broke the story on the now defunct right-wing web platform 4chan. Q now posts on 8chan, and continues to reveal details about this massive conspiracy, and the coming “Storm”—a mass arrest of the thousands of Democrats, world leaders and film-industry professionals that comprise this cabal.

Actually, I followed this story closely when it first broke. In 2016, alt-right internet chatter convinced Edgar Welch to burst into Comet Ping Pong, a pizzeria in Washington, DC with guns a-blazing, planning to rescue the children that Hillary Clinton and her cronies locked in the restaurant’s basement. Apparently, Comet Ping Pong was ground-zero for an international child sex-trafficking ring. It wasn’t the absurdity of the story that caught my eye, but the location of Comet Ping Pong. It’s a block away from my old house. Man, we didn’t have cool places like that to walk to when I lived there.

Conspiracy theories, here’s one I buy. Since September 12, 2001, I’ve believed that Flight 93 crashed into a field outside of Shanksville, Pennsylvania not because the passengers revolted against the hijackers, but because the United States military shot the plane down. The Bush administration quickly and correctly realized that America needed at least one win on that day. What could be a better story than heroic Americans taking their fate into their own hands?

Which brings me to my latest conspiracy theory: In this election, Putin and his droves of Russian bots aren’t trying to elect Trump, they’re working for Biden. Counter-intuitive, right? What could be better for Russia than another four years of Trump destroying democracy?

Civil war.

As soon as Biden wins—and I do think he’ll win—those same bots will be reprogrammed to fire up Trump’s second amendment base. “The Democrats STOLE the election!” they will say. Twitter and Facebook posts will claim that someone saw a guy in a Biden shirt stuffing a ballot box in Florida. We’ll read about Trump voters turned away from the polling places in Pennsylvania. “Take back the country!” will rise as the rallying cry simultaneously from all corners of the United States. The military will fracture and guerrilla armies will form. This is how Putin’s war starts.

You can call me Z. This is the ZAnon conspiracy theory. It needs to be shared far and wide before Tuesday’s election. It’s the only hope for democracy to survive. Remember, you read it here first.

16 thoughts on “Later on, we’ll conspire

    • Well, I’ve tagged this one “satire” but all kidding finds it’s root in truth. Walmart decided today to resume selling guns in their store. They cited high levels of ‘civil unrest.’ Yesterday I posted a story that is kind of a post mortem on the mountain bike season. I’m really happy I coached, and no one here in blogland was more encouraging than you. Thanks for dropping by.

      Like

      • I read that one and it brought me all sorts of joy. It’s the reason I actually re downloaded the app was to comment on it. I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus. It was a great read. I was going to write more about courage and Brene Brown but all that to say I’m really happy you did it. I liked sharing in your feels.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. We don’t need a small set of conspiring people (pedophiles or otherwise) to control politicians / media / hollywood. Money already does that.

    Lobbyists money, the money earned from the large Chinese markets, QE money that protects the financial system and banker’s bonuses while defying the laws of economics because the USD remains the world’s reserve currency.

    Mostly well intentioned actions by honest individuals – to protect jobs and revive industries – both contribute to and reflect this fact. That we don’t control the system. The system controls us. And the system has a bug. It needs to keep growing or will take all of us down. It does not have a heart, only an eye for efficient returns.

    The caricatures of pedophile conspirers are intended to sound so silly, precisely so that we don’t notice the undramatic ordinariness and ubiquity of the challenge.

    Because unfortunately general panic is not good for the world as we have seen from this pandemic and the waves of global lockdowns.

    And the bug in the financial system will see some kind of a temporary, permanent or somewhere in the middle fix in time – by a small set of powerful people (probably wall street bankers convening again on some island to discuss how to save the system)

    Like

  2. Our country is so divided right now. I thought if Trump were reelected, we could not survive as a whole unit with him at the helm for another four years. I see your point though if he loses. You called COVID. I think I am going to listen to you on this one too.

    Like

    • Ah, so fun to be a respected prognosticator. Are you planning on running CJ again this year? I haven’t signed up and the price keeps going up but I’d like an opportunity to erase last year’s mayhem with a better run.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I also have that scared feeling that we will relive the Gore/Bush fiasco. We’ll go to bed thinking Biden won and find some problem in some key state with the ballots. Nothing would surprise me, really.
        I saw the emails about CJ. I haven’t really run distance since last Spring. D went back to school this week and I have happily run five miles every morning out on the trails (in my new shoes (they’re blue/orange BTW)). I guess I just need to focus one day to start increasing the amount of time I am running. Like start at an hour and fifteen minutes and see how it goes. And rest on the days around that day. So you are thinking of doing it? I would be more inclined to do it if you were. And I would have something to focus my running on.

        Like

  3. No one seems to know who Q is. I think his moniker comes from the character Q on Star Trek — the prankster from The Continuum who creates havoc for Captain Picard. My guess: Q is in fact Russian, as is the source of the anti-Semitic drivel he/she/it spreads.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The line between satire and (what passes for) reality is getting very blurry indeed.

    Without the delusional comfort of beliefs, I can only hope there are enough people of good sense in the US that the result permits nothing more dangerous than sour grapes.

    Like

  5. Jeff, I hope you are wrong (or just kidding) about the Civil War. I did read, however, that big retail stores are boarding up their display windows ahead of anticipated violence resulting from the election. I did change my voting plan from mail-in to voting in person tomorrow. I don’t want to take a chance on my vote not counting in a state as critical as PA!

    Like

    • I tagged this as satire, but it’s already evident that it’s not too far-fetched. The ‘trump-train’ surrounding Biden’s bus is just one incident in hundreds (thousands?) over the next few weeks that will possibly end in violence. Be safe at the polls. I’ve received confirmation that my vote was processed.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s