Like a vice tightening on the back of my head. That’s how I describe my headaches. Which headaches? All of them. I get my fair share, maybe a little more. Often enough to pay close attention to them. I know the causes. I know how to fix them. When I was a drinker—not the moderate … Continue reading Headaches
Creative Nonfiction
The sun rose in the middle of the night
Do you hear voices? I do, sometimes, as I fall asleep. My brain goes soft and conversations spring up, as though from another room. I can hear the voices, but not the words. People talking, not angry, not excited, matter of fact. As if they’re discussing the grocery list. This morning, four-thirty-two, like a radio … Continue reading The sun rose in the middle of the night
Meat Adds Flavor!
Gettysburg is known for three things: Ghost tours, ice cream and pizza. If you abolish those three business categories, the storefronts are empty. There’s nothing left. No place for the tourists to go. Tourists? Oh right, I guess Gettysburg is also known for its civil war battle. I live in the sort of town where … Continue reading Meat Adds Flavor!
Pumped Up
I dreamed about ‘the woods’ last night. The woods were a sprawling swath of undeveloped land separating my neighborhood from Interstate 270. During my grade school years, my friends and I spent our afternoons and weekends searching for salamanders and crayfish under rocks in the rainwater stream bisecting the woods. We roamed well-worn paths and … Continue reading Pumped Up
Mission Accomplished?
Irony makes me smile. Tomorrow, I drive to Gaithersburg, Maryland, maybe eight miles from where I grew up, to complete my transformation into a Pennsylvanian. We’re going there to look at a pickup truck. I moved to Pennsylvania fifteen years ago looking for an escape from urban life. Although, my childhood in Rockville, Maryland could … Continue reading Mission Accomplished?
The Drop Off
“Oh!” "What?" "I think I forgot my shoes." Flashback to twenty-five minutes earlier, Sophie walking out of the house barefoot. Me: “Hey, are your shoes in the car?” Eye roll. We just got back on track. Not from the shoe incident (although we did return home to get her shoes) but from a missed turn. … Continue reading The Drop Off
Dear 1990s Jeff
Dear 1990s Jeff, Consider this fair warning, 2020 is totally fucked up. Can I swear at you? I know you swear frequently, I remember that stage in your life. I don’t swear anymore, except in writing where I have something of a potty-mouth, but only because written swear words carry lots of shock value—much more … Continue reading Dear 1990s Jeff
When things aren’t right
This happened before, years ago, mornings just like today, a common occurrence. Over-thinking. A bad night’s sleep. Shaky. Hungover. Dry heaving. Brain-fogged. I don’t miss it. At all. I’ve worked myself into a tizzy. Tizzy (noun): a state of nervous excitement or agitation. Nervous excitement sounds fun. I’m in the agitation camp. I’m worried I’m … Continue reading When things aren’t right
A Bubble
A bubble on my ankle, slightly red, hard to see. Itchy. Soft and squishy. Immediately I think it's probably a tick. Engorged and floppy, ready to be picked. Or a worm, burrowed, safe and warm, or spider eggs buried against the bone. Thursday spent standing in tall grass and weeds, in brush and trees. Just … Continue reading A Bubble
#BlackLivesMatter #NotMyBag
“This is my first protest,” I said. Susan and I drove towards the square, the sign Sophie made awaiting debut, it's birth, safely strapped in our back seat. I’m not demonstrative, I don’t demonstrate. I ponder, get pissed. I tell the world exactly how I feel, quietly, on my couch, through words, written, not shouted … Continue reading #BlackLivesMatter #NotMyBag
White Guys with Guns
Happy Fourth of July. My plan for the day was to get up early and go kayaking with Susan. The kayaks were already on the car. Eli went kayaking yesterday with his friend, Jonah, and we never put them away (the kayaks, not the kids). While it’s not a huge deal to load the kayaks … Continue reading White Guys with Guns
Roz
Roz. For me, the name evokes images of a past-prime babe. The girl who peaked in her teens. Now hanging out at a bar. Boozy, desperate. Trying to recapture the glory of her youth. Not yet old, but getting there, and definitely worn out. That’s the image I see, anyway. We all have name biases. … Continue reading Roz
We must do better
January 20, 2021. 8:00 PM EST. The screen fades from black. The president stares intently at the camera. He takes a deep breath and lets it out with an audible sigh. My fellow Americans, the time for games is over. It’s time to stop pointing fingers—at politicians, at medical institutions, at other countries. We can’t … Continue reading We must do better
Guilt
A couple days ago, Joe died from depression. The cause of death will be listed as suicide, but I vehemently disagree. As my mother died, her liver shut down. Slowly her blood became toxic. She became loopy and then disoriented and finally settled into a painful, moaning stupor. And then she died. I never saw … Continue reading Guilt
Radio Raheem
For me, it started with Radio Raheem. 1989: At twenty-seven I wasn’t woke. We didn’t use that term then, which is fine with me because I find it beyond annoying. Better adjectives for me included immature, self-absorbed, sheltered, suburban. In 1988, I moved into Washington, DC. Not into what would be considered a nice neighborhood. … Continue reading Radio Raheem
‘The role of cars during covid-19’ for the people of tomorrow
What did you do during the lockdown? Sophie drives. Almost daily she heads out onto the country roads that surround Gettysburg. She has no destination, no one to see, she just likes motoring down the roads. When I start the car the next morning, the radio blares. On a lucky day, it’s music, but usually … Continue reading ‘The role of cars during covid-19’ for the people of tomorrow
Vampires
“I have to run into work for a sec. You want to ride along?” “Nah, I’m about to eat lunch.” “It’s 3:15!” Today’s latest evidence—my kids are becoming vampires. Me, channeling my mother: “Get out of bed, the day’s half over!” “Why?” I don’t have an answer. Why go to bed early? Why not sleep … Continue reading Vampires
Lonely moments before dawn
Shaken awake with triggers pulled, all my boxed checked. Unprepared for a meeting; running late; walking through work without my shirt. The guests arrive, too little food for everyone. I haven’t failed yet, but I will. You don’t want to read about my dream, you have nightmares of your own. At almost dawn, thirty minutes … Continue reading Lonely moments before dawn
GAIA GPS
Is this a product review? I dunno, maybe. It’s a tribute, an ode, accolades, praise. And just like that, I’m a BadAss again. BadAss: Back when my blog was specifically about running, I sought to become a BABWTR (Babywater), a BadAss Back Woods Trail Runner. The sort of dude who can run off into the … Continue reading GAIA GPS
Mindfulness
Debbie wrote about the difficulty of mindfulness. “I’m more inclined to always think about what’s next, what’s tomorrow or the next day.” Mindfulness (noun): a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Debbie made me … Continue reading Mindfulness
