Caution: Old dude rambling about old music no one listens to anymore. In fact, skip this post altogether. I’m the only one on the planet who cares about any of this. You’ve been warned.
~ ~ ~
Drowsing on my couch, my head throbbing with pain, my nose feels the size of a lemon, NO, an orange! It’s so stuffed with gauze that my expanded nostrils partially obscure my field of vision. My throat raw from the constant drip of blood and my relentless cough.
A rattling rap on my window shakes me fully awake. I look out to see Stacey climbing up the staircase to my apartment building door. She took me for surgery this morning. I don’t remember her bringing me back home, but who else would have? I lurch out my apartment door, almost forgetting my keys. This would be a crap day to lock myself out of my apartment. I meet Stacey on the landing.
She gives me a bemused look, a half-smile, obviously enjoying my condition more than I am. “Hi Jeff, I just wanted to check in to see if you’re doing OK. I need to head to work, but I bought you a CD.” It’s a blue case with the letters Shhh written across the front cover. The only other word is Chumbawamba. The band’s name? It doesn’t ring any bells. I give Stacey a puzzled look. “They were the warmup band for Fugazi at that show last summer.”
My mind is half speed, but I remember that band. I liked them. I see a mental flash of a thin guy hitting his guitar with a rubber mallet. The under-agers in the pit tossing their preppy haircuts along with the groove. “Huh, I’m glad you remembered their name. I don’t”
Back on the couch, my new CD on repeat, I fade in and out of my Percocet haze until dawn. Strange melodies and lyrics invade my brain all night. I wake hungover and ugly—two black eyes and that bulbous, bloody nose—with a gnawing hunger and a new favorite album.
The music is nothing like I remember from the show. I suspect Stacey got things mixed up somehow. No teenage punks grooved to this. It’s poppy and subversive and irreverent. Simple and complex. Goofy and sophisticated. No one is hitting their guitar with hammers. It’s like nothing I’ve heard before.
~ ~ ~
Twenty-five years later, I straddle my bike. Through the six windows spanning two walls, we see nighttime, or I suppose morning, but not morning enough for the sun to be rising. We’re indoors looking out. Tiny white LED lights in a plastic tube encircle the ceiling, giving the room a Christmasy vibe. Seven or eight sleepy riders spin their pedals while Neil Young and Crazy Horse scratch out the trailing chords of Like a Hurricane, my walk-on music this morning.
The room goes silent with Neil’s extended fade-out. Then music fills all corners. An acapella church choir harmonizes with angelic voices:
Look! No Strings! Just paper, glue, and card
Hark, the angels sing ‘Paste the Lord’
This is my favorite song from Shhh, that CD Stacey gave me all those years ago. Here’s a common practice from when I used to instruct spin classes: I never thought about whether the lyrics of a song might be offensive until it came on in the middle of a class. Sure, I avoided F-bombs, because they’re obvious and fireable, but what about lyrics portraying misogyny, racial stereotypes or anti-Christian sentiments like Sugar Magnola, Turning Japanese and, of course, Look! No Strings!
I played Look! No Strings! just that one time in my class.
Meta Battle shot her Lord and watched him tumble down,
And now there’s people out with Polaroids all around town.
And who knows, that Jesus on the church near your house
may well be the original. Kiss it as you pass.
That early morning spin crowd, they’re a Christian bunch. I walked away grateful that no one called me out on the message of the song. Once in college, a group of us were hanging out in my dorm room listening to music and drinking beer. This big guy, a Marine, an out-of-town friend of a dormmate, was telling me about his job. The Sex Pistols’ Anarchy in the U.K. blasted out of my speakers with its middle-finger opening line: I am an anti-Christ… The guy bolted from the room slamming the door behind him. I followed. “Arby, what the fuck?”
“Sorry man, that anti-Christ shit freaked me out. I’m a Christian.” And I thought “So am I.” And I was.
That anti-Christ lyric never bothered me. It’s just a song. When I started writing this story, I poked around the internet reading what others had to say about Look! No Strings! I found a thread with two or three Chumbawamba fans calling it an anti-Christian song. I disagree. It makes fun of an absurd fictional incident that includes a hallucination of Jesus. It’s clear that the writer is not Christian, but not Christian and anti-Christian aren’t the same thing. Yes, the song compares religion to so much window-dressing, but it doesn’t suggest anyone turn away from their religion. Like I said about Anarchy in the U.K. earlier, it’s just a song… and in my opinion, a really good one.
Here’s what I love most about the song: Look! No Strings! is the only song I know of with two separate choruses. There’s the church-choir “paste the lord” part I mentioned earlier, and also a totally different pop chorus:
Have your fun whilst your alive
You won’t get nothing when you die
Have a good time all the time
Because you won’t get nothing when you die
As Look! No Strings! winds down, Chumbawamba takes both choruses and overlays them upon one another. I’ve only ever heard this—two parts of the same song, completely contrasting in style, being merged together like this—in one other song: Randy Scouse Git by the Monkees. I love this Monkees song just as much, and for the exact same reason.
Give Look! No Strings! a listen. I’d like to hear what you think about it. If you can think of other songs that effectively overlay contrasting verses within the song, leave a link in the comments. I’d like to check them out.
This story was inspired by the writing prompt: It was a true miracle…
The Other Stuff 
I’m sure there are others, but I haven’t been able to think of any yet. Now I can’t get “Randy Scouse Git” out of my head. Not a bad thing, though. One of my favorite Monkees songs.
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I actually didn’t listen to it in writing this post because it becomes such an earworm. Based on how my brain latches onto it, I must be my favorite Monkees song as well. And thanks for cluing me into the spelling. Didn’t think of that.
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That opening scene, with its implicit broken nose, is a nicely unresolved juxtaposition with the potentially offensive lyrics of Look! when played in a place of physical worship. I probably would have let the words go over my head, had I been in the class. However, the emphatic beat might have moved me to grit teeth and push on with the exercise.
~
The mention of dual chorus overlays has reminded me that I have never finished listening to Ornette Coleman’s free jazz collective improvisation by a double quartet.
It’s a ground-breakingly clever album according to some jazz critics; disconcertingly busy for me.
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Yes, coming off as ‘busy’ is a concern. When I tried to get my wife interested in Randy Scouse Git, that was her impression of the song. Plus she HATES scatting, which is one of the ‘movements’ of the song.
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There’s a great deal of difference between poking a bit of fun at a religion and being totally anti-religion. That track is definitely in the former category. In some ways it’s not that different from a number of Monty Python songs.
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Of course I’m sure there are plenty of people offended by Monty Python. I think I remember a load of backlash against the Life of Brian. I actually went into a bit of a crisis when I suddenly realized I had posted this right at the start of Easter weekend, worrying that people would think I’m being intentionally disrespectful. Ah well, it’s out now. I can’t call back the emails that were sent.
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Chumbawamba always reminded me of Cake. i’m more of a Cake fan, but enjoyed this song!
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I’ve tried to get into other Chumbawamba albums but I haven’t been able to. This one somehow encoded on my psyche and never let go. Early on, I was listening to Cake, but I lost track. I did once use their cover of I Will Survive in my spin class without first listening all the way through and was surprised by an F-bomb in the middle.
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My ex was obsessed with the Chumbawumba song Tubthumping so I’ve never heard any of their other songs. This one is pretty cool.
A song with two chourses coming together hit a bell in my head, but I can’t place it. I’ve got so many random songs up there… If it comes to me I’ll let you know😉
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Ah, yes, when Tubthumping came out, my friends dismissed Chumbawamba a just another pop band, which I felt was pretty unfair. Yes, that song is poppy and infectious, but it’s pretty cool and boundary breaking as well. One day I’ll write part two to this story where I got in an email argument with a radio DJ over the band.
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Hi, Jeff. I just wanted to say that I thought this was an excellent and really well-written post. Contrary to what you say in the first couple of lines, I really enjoyed reading this. I haven’t had time to listen to the songs yet, but I definitely will do tomorrow when I’m not so rushed off my feet. I remember Chumbawumba well, but I can’t remember where I first heard it. I’ll think tonight and play the video tomorrow, and something might come to me by the morning. I’ve always loved The Life of Brian, too, even though at the time I first heard it, I was a Christian, although not a devout one. It didn’t offend me, so I doubt the songs and lyrics you mention would offend me, either. I don’t classify myself as any particular religion now; I am more just spiritual, but not in a religious way if that makes any sense. I’ve recently started going to the Quakers Meetings. I like that because no one tells you what you ‘should’ believe or otherwise. Each person has their own version of their Higher Power. For some, that’s God or Jesus; others believe in something entirely different. It’s okay to be and believe whatever feels right for you, and I like that. I’ll write more tomorrow. Great writing, though, Jeff. X
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Thanks Ellie. I always get very self-conscious when I write about obscure music and also when I poke at christanity. Double-whammy this time. And then when I posted it, I realized it’s Easter weekend (we don’t celebrate that) and I figured people would think I posted this just to start fights. I used to consider myself spiritual. Now I just think I’m ethical which might be as close as I get to religion anymore.
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I love that Chumbawumba song; I thought I knew it, but I didn’t. I don’t celebrate Easter, either, but do consider myself vaguely spiritual these days. I joined the Quakers recently, partly because they believe in community and practice peace, kindness, compassion etc., and no one is told what to believe, if anything. It’s left up to the individual and I like that. They’re not the old-fashioned version of strange people, dressed in black coats and black hats anymore! They are very friendly and rather lovely people. However, I’m ethical, too, so I get that with you. Hope you didn’t get any negative feedback on your post (I haven’t had a chance to read what your readers have said yet. Maybe, I will tomorrow, if I have time.) X
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