Awareness versus self-pity. It can be a fine line. It’s now Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month (May 15 – June 15). Past years, in commemoration of this month, I’ve dredged up one of my old blog essays portraying my struggles with Tourettes, my struggles with tics and my comorbids (those conditions that often accompany Tourettes: which … Continue reading Doubt
OCD
Back Burner
I’m finally starting to learn. This is an international blog, a global space. A place for diversity, multi-multiculturalism. I’m too American—United States, American. Therefore, I assume everyone is just like me. A few months ago, a blogger wrote about her hob. “Right,” I asked “What the hell is a hob?” It turns out in Ireland, … Continue reading Back Burner
Dear Boss,
Dear Boss, We’ve been working together for five months. I just passed another anniversary. What do you know about me so far? I’ve learned a lot since I started at the agency. Not about accounting; that aspect of the job is more of the same; I’ve been doing this for decades. Not about my coworkers, … Continue reading Dear Boss,
Jenn, Lance & Me
6/20/2015 Jenn Shelton keeps popping up in my life. You might be thinking "Who's Jenn Shelton?" She's a minor celebrity. A world-class ultra-marathon runner and a pretty good writer. She had a bit part in Christopher McDougall's massively bestselling Born to Run. Mostly as comic relief. The book made it seem like when she wasn't … Continue reading Jenn, Lance & Me
“O” Brother
I didn’t know whether to call this post “O” Brother or “O” Well. The “O” is the important part of the title. It’s the O in OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I’ve got that one. And not the cute kind as seen on TV. Not the neatnik variety from shows like Monk. My OCD, when active, … Continue reading “O” Brother
Messy
My public self: confident, controlled, together. And then I blog: vulnerable, messy, confused. Tourette Syndrome. The tics I suppress with medications, mostly: Thigh-punching. Eye-rolling. Body-scratching. Tooth-scraping. Grunting. Pay attention, you see them, hear them. I lack repose. Always moving, twitching. My brain in motion, fueled by anxiety. By obsession. By worry. Those conditions that accompany … Continue reading Messy
Careen
Six-year-old me at the top of a hill. Straddling my bike, everything normal except the absence of a chain. “This will be great,” they said. “Without breaks, you’ll go faster.” 1969, a blue Schwinn with a white seat, a twenty-inch job. Still too big for teeny, tiny me. The ubiquitous stingray design that dominated the … Continue reading Careen
A new me
The drinker who doesn’t drink. That’s me. I quit eighteen months ago. No backsliding, no cheating. Once I got through the first few months, it hasn’t really been that bad. I have Tourettes Syndrome. But you’d never know it. My tics are fully in control. Effectively medicated with no obvious side-effects. As an added bonus, … Continue reading A new me
The Gift Card
I’ll be honest. I was after the gift card. Fifty dollars, Amazon.com—that’s a lot of music. I teach a spin class each week. That’s an exercise class on stationary bicycles. The music is an important part of the experience. And I’ve been wanting to upgrade my music library for months now. But my pay for … Continue reading The Gift Card
The Lottery
When I get ticked-off at life, I play the lottery. When I’m frustrated by my earnings, by my job, by my writing, by my health, the lottery distracts me. The lottery gives me hope. I drop a buck. Always on the quick-pick. I have no premonitions. I’d be embarrassed to presume a hunch. I’m vaguely … Continue reading The Lottery
The Blue Trail
A longish short story that I classify as Almost Fiction. A fairly dramatic departure from my usual writing. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Shovel in hand, part-way through the job of replacing my sump-pump drainage pipe, I first caught sight of Pat. I was still digging out the decayed tar-paper piping that was … Continue reading The Blue Trail
Porch
Stuff. I don’t really have much. I rarely buy things. I’m thrifty, cheap. And I obsess. It’s too stressful to buy something new. New stuff needs to be perfect. I’d rather use an old, broken one than risk disappointment from the new one. My hobbies: Running and writing. So yes, I have a laptop and … Continue reading Porch
Below the Surface
Hey Jeff, I didn’t realize there was an exclusivity of using the tag “tourettes”. This is news to me. I won’t be taking up your kind offer to read your post. But thanks! I’ve had only one snarky encounter in WordPress. It was a fight that I picked. That was the response. Like many WordPress … Continue reading Below the Surface
Mind Control
Twenty-seven comments. Ninety-two likes. 3,475 followers. There are some pretty popular blogs out here. Not mine, but some of the others. Almost all of the others. I’m pissed, I’m pouting, perplexed. My fifteen-month old blog is gearing up to top one hundred followers. Sure, WordPress is littered with unattended blogs with tens of followers. But … Continue reading Mind Control
The Placebo Effect
If I were to rate my days (and that’s exactly the sort of thing I would do) yesterday was a nine. Not a ten because I was at work, and I didn’t go running, but I’ll take my nine. For the past three months, I’ve been scoring fives… or less. Less: After a string of … Continue reading The Placebo Effect
Death and the Blogger
It might be over—my three year run. My alter-ego as a blogger, a writer. Three years: daily, I opened my laptop and pounded out my thoughts—stream of consciousness—into small stories extracted from my life. Stories of triumph or regret. Running, mental health, parenting and alcoholism. Bitching, left wing commentary and pointless, over-thought drivel. Artistic and … Continue reading Death and the Blogger
Building an Embassy
Three years of blogging, hundreds of stories, hundreds of thousands of words, but I’ve only mentioned Kiera once. This wasn’t intentional; she just never came up. I didn’t even notice this omission until I started assembling my book. Once I realize that she was nowhere to be found, I was shocked that I could write … Continue reading Building an Embassy
Stealth?
In a town this size, there's no place to hide Everywhere you go you meet someone you know -- John Prine The whole setup seems sketchy. It's the only place I know in town with its principal entrance in an alley. You park out of sight from the street – nestled in the midst of … Continue reading Stealth?
Symphony of Sounds
This story could be considered a prequel to my BABWTR series. It was featured in Issue #7 of Like the Wind Magazine under the title "Grunting." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ It's unseasonably cold, the edge of freezing. The sky is glazed with dawn. But I'm not expecting a sunrise – they’re calling for … Continue reading Symphony of Sounds
The Other Stuff 