MACH3 Turbo

mach3

How long does a razor blade last? Google this, but it’s hard to come up with an answer. First, I got dumped into a bunch of Reddit forums about a gaming computer called Razer Blade. It seems Razer Blades have a reputation for frequent breakdowns. After five minutes of reading about Razer Blade’s short shelf life, I noticed I misspelled razor. Once I fixed my google search, I found a bunch of articles talking about razor blade lifespans. But none of them answered my question.

After another search modification I got one of those Google “People also ask” windows in my search results. The top question was “How many shaves does a Gillette razor last?” Perfect, because my exact question was really “How many uses can I get out of a Gillette MACH3 Turbo razor blade cartridge?” The answer? Five to seven shaves.

Why am I thinking about this on Christmas morning? As is usually the case with me, it’s a long story.

The men in my family, my father, my brothers and I, we have tough beards. I left for college with one of those electric razors that minced my beard and left whisker confetti in the sink. This caused long arguments with my mother when I was still in high school, but in college, nobody seemed to care. Every day, sometime after we all left for morning classes, someone came in and cleaned the bathroom. Electric razors are a better fit for college than for home. But by the end of my sophomore year, the razor motor bogged down on my typical five-day growth. I switched to plastic disposable razors.

The following year, a new kid on my dormitory hall came to school with a crate of razors. His father worked as an executive for Bic. Besides making cheap ballpoint pens, Bic manufactures cheap razors, as well. My friends and I had an endless supply. Even though Bic razors—the only single blade razor on the market—had a tendency to chew up our faces, we were still excited about free razors for a year.

Fast forward forty years. Things have changed since that single-blade Bic. Now my razor has three blades, each a millimeter apart. As I pass it over my face, the first blade pulls on the hair follicle as it cuts it. The second blade grabs the follicle a little closer to my face and repeats the process. By the time the third blade has done its part, I’m actually cutting my beard below the level of my skin. At least if you believe the commercials.

The problem is these things are expensive. MACH3 Turbo razors are like twenty-five bucks for a ten-blade pack. If I’m going through a blade cartridge a week like Google suggests, I’ll be spending $130 each year on razor blades. This is the annual cost of a moderate drug addiction.

When I switched to MACH3 Turbo razors ten years ago, I bought a razor with two complementary blades for $7.99. A fair price, something I could afford. But when I tried to buy a pack of replacement blades, sticker shock stopped me in my tracks. I couldn’t bring myself to spend twenty-five dollars on razor blades.

Luckily, Christmas was right around the corner. Susan bought me a twelve-pack of blades and stuck them in my stocking. And so, a tradition was born. Each year, she buys me a twelve-pack, and I push each of those blades for a full month, four times longer than recommended. I make my Christmas gift last a whole year.

There’s a new trend in consumer goods. Instead of continually raising the prices for the products we frequently buy, companies have started reducing the quantity in the pack. Starting last year, my twelve-pack was discontinued. Now they sell a ten-pack. Just as they planned, I didn’t initially notice. It wasn’t until August that I recognized my shortage of blades. On November 9th, I popped in my last blade cartridge of the year. For six weeks, I’ve been shaving with the same tired razor blade, willing Christmas to hurry up and arrive.

New this year, Sophie and Eli took charge of stocking stuffers for Susan and me. Now that Sophie drives, they have more autonomy, more independence. They thought it would be fun to surprise us with stocking stuffers of their choosing. I reluctantly agreed, providing they understood the MACH3 Turbos are not optional. I let them know I can’t possibly shave another day more without a fresh supply of razor blades.

Question of the week from Sophie: “Hey Dad, why did they name your razor blade after a car?”

19 thoughts on “MACH3 Turbo

      • You are a hard man to please😂.
        Beard oil. See Jonathan Van Ness.
        This is not a silly suggestion, a genuine one: how about trimming it with scissors and maintaining it at that length? 🧐
        Agreed about the eggs. Soon the word dozen will fade into nothingness.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well for starters, my beard is 100% gray. My son’s been on my back to grow a beard. Hmm, who knows. Last time I used ‘beard lotion’. It didn’t really help at all. Sadly, everyone thought I looked great with a beard.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Gray beard. And that’s a problem because?
        Seriously look up JVN. The products he uses on men’s beards look amazing.
        There must be something new out there that JVN uses that makes your beard feel soft.
        I challenge you to try one nice smelling beard oil. 😁

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  1. Things coming in smaller packages… 4lb sugar bags😠

    I am, thankfully, not very hairy. I gave up shaving when I was bedridden for 3 months and never went back. Plus I’ve developed plaque psoriasis so shaving would be awful.

    It’s amazing how much companies charge for some bits of sharpened metal and some plastic.

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  2. Can get away with disposables, although occasional outbreaks of rosatia can make any kind of shaving a somewhat miserable chore. I also don’t buy the whole “one blade lifts, the other cuts, the third does whatever the third does” thing. I never felt they gave any closer shave than a single or double blade.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve gotten a couple of comments touting safety razors. I might give that a try next time I need razors… which will be in a year. I did notice that they also sell five blade razors. I can’t guess what the extra two do.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m a daily shaver. Don’t know why, I guess it is just a part of my routine and I like routine. I always buy the machs too – men’s razors seem to be so much more forgiving than the ladies (surprisingly) around the knees where I am more prone to nick myself. Hope you got your twelve pack. Merry Christmas!

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  4. The first sentence cracked me up because it made me think of my son. I finished the article and sent him the link. Because he can’t stand the price of razOr cartidges, he has confiscated my dad’s old razor, which is probably 50 years old and has ordered cheap blades online. He is experimenting with different blades to see which last longest and do the best job. I can’t even …. He probably has enough blades to last years from what he has said. He seems to also be experimenting with shaving soaps instead of shaving creams. Yep, that’s my son. Gotta love him. Thanks for today’s laugh, Jeff.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your son and I would have a lot to talk about. I gave the shaving soap thing a try in my twenties. I didn’t like it because the cup would always be full of cold water. I saw a safety razor in the store today. Eli thought I should buy it, but now I’ve got a year’s supply of Mach3 razors. Maybe I’ll give it a try next year.

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