This happened before, years ago, mornings just like today, a common occurrence. Over-thinking. A bad night’s sleep. Shaky. Hungover. Dry heaving. Brain-fogged. I don’t miss it. At all.
I’ve worked myself into a tizzy.
Tizzy (noun): a state of nervous excitement or agitation.
Nervous excitement sounds fun. I’m in the agitation camp. I’m worried I’m going to die.
Things aren’t right. This has gone on for months. I feel dizzy when I run. My doctor started the trial and error routine. He cut-off my blood pressure medicine to see if that helped. Last night before bed:
Eli walked by: “Wow, Dad. That’s high.” Blood pressure: 157/101. I did some research. Imminent stroke risk at 180/120—I’m more than halfway there. A fitful sleep. Awake at twelve-thirty. Awake at three o’clock—and up for the day. I started on coffee before four. My fingers and toes tingled.
I ran a Google search: tingling fingers and toes… Google filled in: …caused by high blood pressure.
Kidney failure, this is a thing. Kidney failure caused by hypertension; when should I see a doctor? Now!
I see him tomorrow. I broke ranks and took my blood pressure medication. I don’t want to be killed by the cure.
My head spins, swims. Last night and now today. It started after a bike ride. Subtle, I wonder if it’s really there. Maybe I’m fine, I can’t tell if I’m not.