When things aren’t right


This happened before, years ago, mornings just like today, a common occurrence. Over-thinking. A bad night’s sleep. Shaky. Hungover. Dry heaving. Brain-fogged. I don’t miss it. At all.

I’ve worked myself into a tizzy.

Tizzy (noun): a state of nervous excitement or agitation.

Nervous excitement sounds fun. I’m in the agitation camp. I’m worried I’m going to die.

Things aren’t right. This has gone on for months. I feel dizzy when I run. My doctor started the trial and error routine. He cut-off my blood pressure medicine to see if that helped. Last night before bed:

Me: “Jes-sus!

Eli walked by: “Wow, Dad. That’s high.” Blood pressure: 157/101. I did some research. Imminent stroke risk at 180/120—I’m more than halfway there. A fitful sleep. Awake at twelve-thirty. Awake at three o’clock—and up for the day. I started on coffee before four. My fingers and toes tingled.

I ran a Google search: tingling fingers and toes… Google filled in: …caused by high blood pressure.

Kidney failure, this is a thing.  Kidney failure caused by hypertension; when should I see a doctor? Now!

I see him tomorrow. I broke ranks and took my blood pressure medication. I don’t want to be killed by the cure.

My head spins, swims. Last night and now today. It started after a bike ride. Subtle, I wonder if it’s really there. Maybe I’m fine, I can’t tell if I’m not.

Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

25 thoughts on “When things aren’t right

    • Well, first I’m hoping for a better night’s sleep. Last night sucked. I’m struggling trying to figure out where obvious and real problems (getting crazy-dizzy on a run) end, and potentially OCD manufactured problems begin. Are my fingers really tingly? Was I really dizzy all day? What’s real, what’s not. Aargh.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Best of luck. I worry endlessly about my health, and the internet’s terrible for increasing worries. I’ve learned not to try and think what it might be until seeing a doctor. Wishing you all the best


  2. My blood pressure on a good day runs 157/98. I spent a couple days in the hospital having all kinds if tests run, they even did an ultrasound if my heart, which was cool. The result 🤷🏼‍♀️ “we don’t know why it’s high.” There was nothing wrong with me. I have chronic pain from fibromyalgia, my stress is ridiculous and I’m a chronic insomniac.
    My point?? You’re stressing yourself out! That’s my free opinion. I’m glad you’re seeing the doc.
    Maybe you should quit running when its hella hot,🤷🏼‍♀️ and remember to breathe… sometimes when I’m stressed I hold my breath without realizing it. Not breathing could make a person feel dizzy🤦🏼‍♀️🍀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Right. Crustytuna (who is a doctor) told me to stop googling. I have an appointment today and I’ll move forward on the next steps. I’m guessing if we get into diagnostics, they’ll be looking at my oxygen levels. Maybe I’m not breathing too. This has been going on since the pandemic started. Maybe it’s all anxiety.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Please don’t google! You will drive yourself mad and convince yourself you are dying, which you are not, well not imminently anyway. Hopeful that they will find a simple explanation for what’s been going on. Strength and healing vibes to you..

    Liked by 1 person

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