Bruce sent me a text the other day: Hey Jeff, the movie “I Swear” is opening in a local Baltimore theater. It’s the life story of Tourette Syndrome campaigner John Davidson. G and I are going to see it this weekend. Maybe it’s playing in your neck of the woods. Bruce is one of my … Continue reading I Swear
OCD
A Social Compact
-- My name is Inigo Montoya.*-- As you wish.*-- Inconceivable!* Yes, I watched The Princess Bride last week. Every summer, Gettysburg’s college-owned ‘art theater’ hosts a Wednesday night classic movie series. When it got started fifteen years ago, it was all Casablanca and North by Northwest and Rear Window. These days, under new management, the … Continue reading A Social Compact
Dear Psychiatrist Sam
Dear Psychiatrist Sam, My husband has Tourette syndrome and OCD. Years ago, before he began a twice-daily dose of antipsychotics to reduce his Tourette tics (unwanted movements and vocalizations) intrusive OCD thoughts regularly dragged him out of bed in the small hours of the morning. As a happy side effect of that medication, those intrusive … Continue reading Dear Psychiatrist Sam
Race Day
This is the last post I'm salvaging from undercrust.blogspot.com. There's more there, but honestly nothing I feel compelled to keep. The following post was written when my OCD was still unmedicated. Take a bunch of intrusive thoughts and mix in a healthy dose of situational anxiety--this captures well what went on in my brain in … Continue reading Race Day
Podcasters got da Power
I downloaded Episode One of Nothing Is Real, a Beatles podcast narrated by two Irish guys with thankfully coherent accents. Because this was their first episode, they faced a blank slate, a white canvas, they held the power, they could delve into literally any Beatles topic they wanted. They talked about the album Help! Stephen and … Continue reading Podcasters got da Power
Writing to Write
That time God spoke from the clouds. In many of the "Rules for Writing" lists on the web, know your audience is number one. I know my audience. I'm writing this for myself. ~ ~ ~ “Hey, where ya been?” That’s what you’re thinking right now, isn't it? At least in my mind you are. … Continue reading Writing to Write
Alone in a Crowd
I encountered someone with Tourette Syndrome last week—I think. Their tics, facial twitches, were subtle. I stared too long and probably got caught. Still unsure, I stared some more. Once I decided I had it right, I wanted to walk over and say “Hey, me too! Tell me your story.” Susan said “Don’t, it’s none … Continue reading Alone in a Crowd
Wavers and A**holes (my rules for running and life in general)
In this great wide world, there are two types of people: wavers and assholes. By the great wide world, I mean the national park where I run, the Gettysburg National Military Park (aka the Gettysburg battlefield). By wavers, I mean runners who wave or nod to other runners as they approach. And the assholes? I’m … Continue reading Wavers and A**holes (my rules for running and life in general)
End Days
I stayed up late in those days, when our kids were young. Sophie in grade school, Eli still in preschool. We put our kids to bed by seven or eight. Susan followed around nine. I stayed up until midnight or later, reading or watching a movie. Dystopia was my jam. A steady stream of low-budget … Continue reading End Days
Torque
Step, step, step, torque. I twist my torso, a jerking motion, hoping for a violent stretch. Looking for a pop. A release, like a knuckle crack, like that crunching sound Eli makes with his neck when he drops his head to the side. I torque the bottom of my ribs on the left, not quite … Continue reading Torque
Don’t be a Karen
Maybe you’ve seen the meme. A photo shows a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut poorly on the diagonal. The left ‘half’ is about sixty percent larger than the right. The caption: Serve this to your OCD friend. It’s not really funny at all. There’s nothing clever about it. It breaks no new ground. It’s … Continue reading Don’t be a Karen
Poke at the Hive
<Slurring> “I know zhu believe that. We TALKED about thish BEFORE!” I waited, lined up in the pub. No servers here, you want something, you order it at the counter—food, drink, merch. Or maybe at the bar, if you’re lucky enough to get a seat at the bar. Five, six people away from the register. … Continue reading Poke at the Hive
Twenty Year Old Me from 1983
Sometimes I think of my phone as my best friend. Five years ago, I wrote an essay called Time Travel. I dismissed our current technological acuity as lightweight, more focused on entertaining ourselves with our cell phones than fixing the actual problems that plague society. Mostly, I focused on the severe diseases left unsolved from … Continue reading Twenty Year Old Me from 1983
Putin Detonates a Tactical Nuke
Is this reckless? Alarming? Unnecessary? Am I jinxing the future by putting this in writing? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder drives me to click the Google Chrome icon more often than I like. I search for a distraction—a WordPress comment, a Facebook notification, an email from a friend. I search for news. The pandemic turned me into … Continue reading Putin Detonates a Tactical Nuke
These Songs of Freedom
Won't you help to sing these songs of freedom?'Cause all I ever had, redemption songs --Bob Marley and the Wailers, Redemption Song “How about legal stuff? Have you broken any laws?” “You mean besides all the substance abuse we just talked about a minute ago?” From my intake interview at the psychologist office, an hour … Continue reading These Songs of Freedom
My Tell
I’m an open book. Those in the know, Susan, my kids when they pay attention, possibly some coworkers, know my mood, my primal feelings just by watching and listening. Sitting on the couch this morning, talking to Susan, I started chewing on my pinky. Not at the end, my fingertip, like my kids chew on … Continue reading My Tell
Stimming
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?I egged the chicken, then I ate his leg. -- The Beastie Boys You know that saying, which came first… Years ago, when I first met Robyn, we each showed our hand. Robyn: Tourette Syndrome is a comorbidity of autism. Jeff: Funny, I always heard of autism being … Continue reading Stimming
The Problem Solved Problem
I left work at two-thirty today. Right, the middle of the afternoon. Seems slack, at least to me. I’m an early bird, up at five every morning. In the summertime, I catch a ride to work with Susan so the kids can have a car all day. This gets me in at seven, long before … Continue reading The Problem Solved Problem
The Lasting Impact of The Walking Dead
Zombies? Seriously? I enter work through the garage, LED-lit, bright, white light, always illuminated because of confusing signage. A white placard above the light switch, black lettering highlighted yellow: "This Light Must Stay On." I interpret this to mean during working hours, but the cleaning crew takes it literally. They leave the light on all … Continue reading The Lasting Impact of The Walking Dead
Book Launch
In January, I posted The Routine, a flash piece illustrating my teenage struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I initially wrote it a few years ago, but in January I gave it a heavy edit and submitted it to Through the Looking Glass: Reflecting on Madness and Chaos Within, an anthology of short nonfiction and poetry … Continue reading Book Launch
The Other Stuff 