It’s a simple mechanism, the garage door lock. A spring-loaded bolt pushed through a slot in a metal rail—the rail the garage door rolls along as it’s opened or closed. It’s like a deadbolt on the front door. Binary, locked/unlocked, no gray area. A lever releases the lock. The bolt springs back, unlocking the door. … Continue reading Routine
OCD
Obsession
Can you write a poem about a graph? Can you grab a column of numbers, distill them to their purest form, and use them to paint a picture? I’ve spent my career trying to make numbers seem interesting. My last three companies, all nonprofits, in reverse order: a library, a domestic violence shelter, a community … Continue reading Obsession
Target
Oops, I ghosted my blog. Last Tuesday, I freaked out. In writing. I ranted about my blood pressure, certain kidney failure and vertigo. I thought I was dying. I was so convincing, both of my brothers texted me the next day to check up on me. I got a dozen blog comments, all saying the … Continue reading Target
When things aren’t right
This happened before, years ago, mornings just like today, a common occurrence. Over-thinking. A bad night’s sleep. Shaky. Hungover. Dry heaving. Brain-fogged. I don’t miss it. At all. I’ve worked myself into a tizzy. Tizzy (noun): a state of nervous excitement or agitation. Nervous excitement sounds fun. I’m in the agitation camp. I’m worried I’m … Continue reading When things aren’t right
A Bubble
A bubble on my ankle, slightly red, hard to see. Itchy. Soft and squishy. Immediately I think it's probably a tick. Engorged and floppy, ready to be picked. Or a worm, burrowed, safe and warm, or spider eggs buried against the bone. Thursday spent standing in tall grass and weeds, in brush and trees. Just … Continue reading A Bubble
Me Time
A few years ago, I managed an employee. The YWCA where I worked had a complex daily cash reconciliation process and a bazillion weekly bills. Unable to plow through the work on my own, I hired Ken for twenty hours per week. He made the deposits and kept on top of accounts payable. We were … Continue reading Me Time
Hope
When you talk about it, you need to look for hope. This statement has been in my thoughts all day. Anyone who regularly reads this blog already knows what I’m writing about. I’m only thinking about one thing these days: COVID-19. You probably have a good idea who made the statement, as well. Three and … Continue reading Hope
And Again
Back when we still paid for cable, I sat, mid-morning on my carpeted floor, back against the couch, a sandwich and chips by my side, and watched hurricane coverage. As the hurricane made landfall, I couldn’t pull myself away from the Weather Channel. I waited and waited for something, anything to happen. Never mind that … Continue reading And Again
Pandemic
Ten days from now: “What can I get for you?” “Four Coronas with limes. We’re celebrating!” “Oh, what’re you celebrating? “The first human to human transmission of the coronavirus in the United States. We’re celebrating the beginning of the end.” This hasn’t happened. Yet. Probably. Maybe. It will though. Any excuse to party, right? I’m … Continue reading Pandemic
Happy Tourette Christmas
Hey! Chingedy ching, hee-haw, hee-haw It's Dominick the donkey. Chingedy ching, hee-haw, hee-haw The Italian Christmas donkey. Tourette Syndrome (TS) is a weird disorder. It makes you do things you don’t want to do. Yes, we’re all aware of the stereotyped guy who f-bombs in church, but he’s a pretty slim minority. Most of us … Continue reading Happy Tourette Christmas
Un-Disabled
Last night I watched Chicago Hope. It’s a medical drama, I think. This episode was about a hospital, and I assume they’re all about a hospital, so let’s go with calling it a medical drama. In this episode René Auberjonois, the actor who starred as Father Mulcahy on the TV show M*A*S*H, played a surgeon … Continue reading Un-Disabled
Kathleen Hale is a Crazy Stalker
I’m on a nonfiction kick. Two books in a row, for me that’s a kick. I probably read one nonfiction book about every eighteen months, so this kick of mine is notable. One weekend a few months ago, two books caught my attention: The Rise of the Ultra Runners by Adharanand Finn and Kathleen Hale … Continue reading Kathleen Hale is a Crazy Stalker
My Hungover Weekend
Once upon a time, I spent my weekends sick. Sick during the days, but not at night. The nights I spent drunk. My mornings started early. Saturday and Sunday, eight o’clock, nine o’clock. Maybe not early by today’s standards—I’m up at five each day during the week—but eight A.M. is early when you get to … Continue reading My Hungover Weekend
Blogging, Disabilities & Other Stuff
“People are idiots.” That’s my standard response when a blogger writes about being mistreated because of their disability. I use that phrase all the time—with all the disabled bloggers I follow. You might wonder why I read so many blogs about disability. It’s a fair question. It abuts a question that Susan asks me all … Continue reading Blogging, Disabilities & Other Stuff
Fragments, revisited
Free Book ==> Click Here <== Free Book > Jeff Cann has achieved the improbable. He has taken an honest look at himself. The twenty-four stories that comprise this book range from serious and sad to funny and uplifting. And they all include an element of raw, self-analysis. These well-crafted stories each stand on their own, but … Continue reading Fragments, revisited
The Cat
I lie awake, the minutes after turning out my light, brain active, anticipating the drawing shade of sleep. I took Lorazepam, a mild narcotic. It numbs my brain, silences the concerns that shake me awake in the early hours of tomorrow. Sleep feels unlikely. I wait for the medicine to dissolve. I wait for my … Continue reading The Cat
Shades of Gray
I recently changed jobs. I now work at a library—the finance manager: budgeting, analysis, accounting. My office, with it’s dark-stained wooden doors and frosted transom windows, is massive: 14’ x 14’ x 14’. It’s true, my office ceiling is fourteen feet high. Susan says I suffer from TMF—that’s too much furniture: three desks, five filing … Continue reading Shades of Gray
BAD ASS is OUT!
My long-awaited eBook is now available. Yes, it’s about running, but it’s also about life. It’s also free. Smashwords $0.00 Amazon $1.27 Download it now! PDF version available on Smashwords for those without an eReader.
Maintenance Mode
I’m in a rut. Those things I do for fun—my hobbies—they aren’t so fun anymore. They used to be, but not recently. Some of my hobbies, it’s been years: no longer enjoyable, but they’re still my hobbies. I haven’t found replacements yet. I haven’t ridden a bicycle this year; I’m a cyclist. It’s what I … Continue reading Maintenance Mode
Doubt
Awareness versus self-pity. It can be a fine line. It’s now Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month (May 15 – June 15). Past years, in commemoration of this month, I’ve dredged up one of my old blog essays portraying my struggles with Tourettes, my struggles with tics and my comorbids (those conditions that often accompany Tourettes: which … Continue reading Doubt
