Loss

/ Jeff Cann

Me, posturing with my comment, trying to seem smart on a smart person’s blog:

The detritus from abandoned blogs and terminated online relationships makes my last 12 years hard to revisit. I felt like some of those bloggers were among my best friends until one day they disappeared for good. I often think about looking them up, but I realize that because they vanished, they may want to stay lost. I wonder who will mourn when I log off for good.

Bill wrote about a disappeared blogger. About reaching out and receiving a disappointing reply. He wrote about other stuff too, but the lost friend part hit home. It made me want to respond. The attrition is endless. They leave for Substack. They become bored. Their muse takes flight. They birth a baby. They lose their voice. They get a life. Whatever. They vanish. Usually, it takes time. They write less. They read less. They take a break. They return months later promising to do better and then evaporate entirely.

I miss them. Do they miss me? My early days of writing featured vulnerability—newfound sobriety, growing insight into my Tourette, my OCD, my anxiety and depression. I cut myself open and spilled out prose. Those I read did the same. We built a community of injured souls. We understood and supported one another. I’m not sure how I would have succeeded without them.

One by one, they disappear. At first, I usually don’t notice. One day I think, “Huh, when was the last time Robyn commented on a post. When was the last time she liked one.” I check her blog and see she hasn’t written in weeks. She never posted again.

In time, others took her place, but they fell away as well. And then more. My desire to look them up—cyberstalk them, google their email and drop them a line—comes in waves. A strong one now, obviously, writing these thoughts. I once met up with Robyn at a trail race. We had so much in common. The running, of course, and punk music. Social anxiety. Autism—her son (definitely) and me (possibly). Plus, Gettysburg, her husband is a history nut.

She told me her family once took a photo outside the library where I work. She tried to guess which window was mine. She didn’t come in, social anxiety and all. The time we met was awkward. We tried to talk while we ran. Our paces mismatched. Me, out of breath, Robyn, itching to run ahead. Coffee would have worked better, assuming a pair of social misfits can hold a conversation.

One day I’ll quit blogging. I won’t fade away like most. I’ll drop out cold turkey. White knuckles, like I did with alcohol. To others, it will seem abrupt, but I’m sure I’ll have agonized over the decision for months. Will you notice? Will you reach out? Ask if I’m all right? Tell me what I meant to you… if anything? Blogging, I think, is dying. Different media, newer media is taking over. I suspect each of us will bail eventually. Find different hobbies, different ways to express ourselves. Or not. Possibly some of us will simply mourn one more lost bit of our lives.

Photo from Pixabay

50 thoughts on “Loss”

  1. Yeah, I feel you. I have a friend and fellow blogger who left WordPress and I suspect the US for very different reasons, I’m hoping it was of her own free will. I miss her. Her blog was amazing. We kept up through email for a while but the last time I tried droping a line, her email address no longer exists or works. I just hope she’s okay. My other friend who I’d known longer and met in a writing group on Facebook, died. He had an aggressive prostate cancer, it’s been 5 years since. My heart aches. I miss them both very much.

    Blogging is a funny thing to me. There are days when I’m up for a month long writing streak because I have tons to say and days where there’s nothing. I never want blogging to feel forced. I won’t enjoy it as much.

    Before I came to WordPress, I was at LiveJournal for a million years. I even tried a site called Xanga, we weren’t a good match. But WordPress seems to be it. I have spurts and bouts of productivity here, unless I involve myself in some craziness like Inktober, then it’s on Go for a month.

    My brain has been doing this thing lately where it comes up with a song according to what I see or read. I read your post and Boys II Men – End of The Road came to mind. I will definitely miss you and your words.

    Sorry if this was all over the place. I’m trying my best to make sense. Lol it has been a day.

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  2. I often have the urge to reach out to people I’ve known or “known” online, but I usually don’t do it because I don’t know whether or not it’s “weird.” I’d miss your blog. I abandoned WordPress for Substack and of course I would love it if you followed my blog (73 Notebooks) there… they can call it a “newsletter” to differentiate it, but Substacks are blogs.

    Thanks for your writing.

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    • Subscribed and bookmarked so I can see what you’ve been writing. I’ll probably have all sorts of questions for you about Substack, My wife has suggested that I look into it several times (every time I complain about wordpress). One of my problems is that I can’t decide if it’s intrusive when people reach out to me via email, so how can I know if reaching out to other lost friends is intrusive. Stuff to ponder.

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      • Thank you for looking and for subscribing, I really appreciate that!

        Personally I don’t feel it’s intrusive to be contacted. It’s a nice serendipity. But I’ve heard other people say they don’t want people to find them (and not because they’re on the lam).

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  3. In the years I’ve been blogging, I’ve seen many come and go—voices that once felt familiar, now silent. Some I’ve learned have passed away. One blogger announced he was quitting because it had become compulsive, then, within hours, erased his entire digital presence. His years of commentary—his insights, his thoughts—vanished, as if he never existed. Others, though no longer active online, occasionally reach out via email, a quiet reminder of connections that persist beyond public posts. But most, as you say, slowly fade away.

    I sincerely hope blogging doesn’t disappear. For me, it remains the most meaningful way to communicate—free from the grip of algorithms that dictate what we see and reinforce reactionary thinking. That’s why I walked away from platforms like Facebook and Twitter; the fleeting and curated nature of social media never quite matched the freedom of thought that blogging allows. Here, one can share as much or as little as one chooses, without the pressure of virality or engineered engagement.

    I follow several blogs where posts are rare, but each time a new one appears, it feels like reconnecting with an old friend. Though I don’t comment often, I read prolifically, and when I do interact—whether through a like or the occasional remark—it’s not because I always agree, but because I value the perspectives that broaden my own thinking. You, of course, are no exception to that practice.

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    • I Saw how you took this comment and turned it into a post of your own. Bill’s initial post is gaining a life of its own. I guess I’m not surprised that many of us feel a hole when a blogger departs. I agree with you that it’s a deep and meaningful way to communicate, and for many of us, the most comfortable. When I refer to my blogger friends to nonbloggers, I call them correspondents. I’m sure that raises a million questions in their mind, but no one ever asks what I mean.

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  4. I was just thinking about Robyn myself.

    If you ever decide to drop out, please do email me. In fact, you can email me any time.

    Life has a way of changing priorities, or maybe that’s the excuse I use. I haven’t given up and writing on my blog again. In the meantime, I’ll still be lurking and occasionally commenting.

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    • You are pretty much the exception to the rule of someone who quit blogging but still reads regularly. I’m sure I’ve left the impression that I’m dropping out imminently, but that’s not the case. I often envision myself as the last blogger on wordpress writing posts no one will read. It’s one of the reasons I started emailing out my entire posts to subscribers instead of a teaser. I just hope people will read.

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  5. Pingback: The Enduring Value of Blogging | Another Spectrum

  6. I had a lovely community on Yahoo 360, and they all vanished one day when it went down. Google Plus was a lifeline, with a special gang we called the Sooper Sekrit Clubhouse. I still see some of them on Mastodon, but the death of Twitter (yes, it’s dead, believe me) took some of them from me forever. WordPress feels more permanent, but I guess that’s just because it’s still here. It is nice to see the same names cropping up in comments. The 21st century needs to redefine “friend”. You don’t need to meet in person to be friends.

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    • Well, I feel like ‘friend’ was redefined by facebook, but it’s nowhere near the same thing as with wordpress. On WP (and other blogging sites) we can get into depth and put meaning behind the meme or photo we post on other social media.

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  7. A quarter of those I currently follow are fallow, or that’s what I hope.
    I also miss several bloggers who have withdrawn from writing over the years.
    WP is my only vice, sorry voice, and it suits me because of that sense of community. That maybe on the decline, more’s the pity.
    Don’t go Cold Turkey on us Mr. C.

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    • I’m a long way off from quitting. In fact, I’m happier with my writing and blogging than I have been in a couple of years. But I do miss the people who have disappeared or just stopped reading my blog even though they are around.

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      • I’m glad you are enjoying it more. The push to Substack has even reached a laggard like me. I can’t see the point – for me anyway.
        A gold quill for you, Jeff 🪶
        Cheers
        DD

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  8. I hope you don’t mind me posting the following excerpt from my emails.

    Dear …

    On the down swing
    I think of you
    On the up swing
    I think of you
    Wondering, brother
    When you will reappear

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  9. I leave and come back and I’m not leaving this time simply because I’ve moved through that transient could have lost touch space and came to realise how much I love and value my blog and the WordPress community. I always look for your posts Jeff, I’m glad you’re still here.

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      • Yes Jeff. I have just returned to SubStack and am writing there daily but only emailing a newsletter once a week because every time I post feels a little spammy. SubStack is different to WordPress, there is a lot of distraction and the notes function is a little like other social media platforms – X and threads etc. I’m slowly finding some interesting writers to follow and not paying too much attention to how many people are reading my content as I know it will take ages to build a readership and my main focus is to build an archive of small stories and life experience. There is a LOT of coaching and self help and writing help type posts. I avoid them almost entirely as I’m finding that the explanation and informational type stuff is so repetitive. I guess it is how many people make money though.I write for free and don’t have paid subscribers or want them. I am enjoying SubStack now I’ve found my thing. I didn’t want another poetry blog so I’m writing little fragments and vignettes of life. Also posting about different people I meet, travels and trips and a few thoughts. Thats the thing I find interesting myself now – nothing pulitzer winning, just people telling me about themselves. Your writing has always been enjoyable to me because it is your life, well written and shared. Give me a headsup if you are over there so I can find you.

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  10. I’ve sort of lost interest in blogging…I think unless one does it regularly (and I don’t) it’s hard to build and sustain an engaged following. Right now, it’s enough just figuring out how to operate my new phone!

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      • Nah, I find it impossible to write anything on my phone, let alone blog on it. Yes, I’m still writing. I have one more piece possibly two slated for publication in 2025, so will post links as they happen.

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      • Nah, I find it impossible to write anything on my phone, let alone blog on it. Yes, I’m still writing. I have one more piece possibly two slated for publication in 2025, so will post links as they happen.

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  11. Please don’t stop blogging, Jeff. Or at least, don’t stop writing. You’ve been my inspiration. You’ve shown me how it’s done. I respect your writing, and I respect you as a writer. I have felt like you are my friend, and that’s because of the relationship you create with your reader. Way too valuable to give up. Please don’t stop.

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    • I don’t plan to quit anytime soon. I’m quite happy with my writing right now and I’d go nuts if I wrote something and didn’t publish it somewhere. Thank you for those kind words. I’m still hoping you create some sort of online class I can join.

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  14. Something about your post touched me, which isn’t unusual when I read your blog posts. I think it is a sense of loss. I have felt it other times. For instance, when things like Christmas cards with long letters enclosed by old friends or colleagues are replaced by a card that is merely signed. I also felt a sense of loss when so many dropped Facebook during the ugly days of the pandemic. In the world (or maybe just my world), if not for blogging, I would not have the chance to interact or learn from such a wide variety of people and blogs. So, I have grown to value it. I believe that online relationships are as valid as in-person, so-called “real” friends. Both types offer many benefits. Of course, a mix of both online and “real” friends is best. I don’t know if blogging will disappear or not. Although many thought hardcopy books would be replaced by e-books, they are still here. My sister right now is reading an e-book, and I just finished a hardcopy. Both can exist together. Anyhow, I am getting wordy. So, I will stop typing. I hope you don’t suddenly disappear, but I know life happens. But if you do, please know that you will be missed by many.

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    • Thank you Diana. Yes, some of us are always going to want to read blogs. I hope it’s enough of us to sustain wordpress. I never made the jump to ebooks. I’ve got a paperback next to me that I’m about to dive into.

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  16. Funny but the cold turkey thing is so true, that almost happened to me and can see you doing the same. Weird! Thanks for the mention, that’s cool. I’m grateful for the bloggers I’ve met in person and hope you and I will someday too! But I won’t be running with you.

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    • NOW is the time you want to run with me. Feeling old & broken lately. Haven’t run in 5 weeks ;-(

      Note that Barry who commented on this post also felt compelled to write a post of his own on the same topic. It’s like a chain letter. Soon every blogger on wordpress will have written on this subject.

      I doubt I’ll be heading your way anytime soon, so I’ll look for you on my doorstep some morning.

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  19. Bailing out to the new media – Will we though? In some form or fashion those that are leaving are probably just finding a different medium where they’re able to connect better? I actually think there are more people blogging now than before. Just in a different medium.

    And actually if we do, wouldn’t that be just the ebbs and flows of a social framework? People come in, people leave. You make a connection here and a connection there and hope to linger in that ether of those network connections that’s always in a flux. Also isn’t blogging a sort of ’new media’ when compared to postcards or aerogram? When was the last time you sent or received one?

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    • I suppose stats are available to say if blogging is on the rise or the wan. My perspective is very wordpress focused, and here, writing in general and especially quality writing is fading away. Even the ridiculous daily prompts inspire short and literal responses without any apparent craft. And with the exception of the Christmas Letter which has been around for decades, blogging is still a “new” media in history even if it’s somewhat dated in terms of a post web society. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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