Raspberry beret... The kind you find in a second hand store Raspberry beret... And when it was warm she wouldn't wear much more Twenty-five minutes. Almost non-stop. Raspberry Beret--Prince’s 1985 hit. Not the whole song, just the chorus. My mind is supposed to be clear, blank. Meditating. Not matching my gait to a pop song. … Continue reading Prince or Mat Fraser?
Audio Immaturity
I’m oldish. Fifty-five. The sorry side of middle-age. When I hold open the door for a stranger, he always says “Thank you, sir.” Grey hair, wrinkles, balding. Oldish. But I’m not actually old. Not yet. I’ve got years ahead of me. I’ve got kids living at home. I’m still trying to build a career. These … Continue reading Audio Immaturity
Killing time on New Year’s Eve
I am killing time by blogging, I'm not saying that it's time to kill. Sometimes what I write is crap. This time, I’m blaming Eli. If you don’t frequently read my blog, you won’t know that Eli is my son. He’s twelve. His favorite activities are computer use and destroying shit—usually by fire—but always under … Continue reading Killing time on New Year’s Eve
Ben Huberman
I’m pathetic. No, really, I am. I’m checking my Gmail account twenty-five, thirty times a day. Each time, as I click the link, I repeat my silent mantra. Ben Huberman. Who’s Ben? He’s an editor at WordPress. The guy who sent me an email last July telling me that my blogpost Follow was about to … Continue reading Ben Huberman
A Christmas Carol
I just read Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (again). Each December, as I browse the stacks of my local library, I see the same copy of the book placed strategically on the end of an aisle. Each aisle-end has three clear plastic shelves attached to it. In my opinion, these shelves come off looking extremely … Continue reading A Christmas Carol
Be the Light
Squandered! A whole year. A great idea, but poor follow-through. Eleven months ago, I invented a religion. Or resurrected a religion. Modified a religion. Whatever. I plotted a way for my non-Christian family to participate in the holiday season. Solstice Plus Four. A plan to take the winter solstice back from the Christians. We made … Continue reading Be the Light
Do Not Reply (Satire)
Jeff Cann <donotreply@wordpress.com> Time: December 16, 2017 at 2:26 pm IP Address: 77.175.23.87 Contact Form URL: https://jefftcann.com/contact/ Sent by a verified WordPress.com user. Name: Melissa Marks Email: melissa.marks72@yahoo.com Website: http://lifeisstrangeblog.com Comment: Hi Jeff, I’ve been reading your blog for nine months now, and I have to say, receiving your posts are the highlight of my week. I feel … Continue reading Do Not Reply (Satire)
Facebook my WordPress
I can’t think of single thing to write. This has been going on all week. I sat down the morning after the Alabama Senate election, and I couldn’t get started. I wrote a halfhearted paragraph, and then I packed it in. The rest of the week’s been a blank page. There are things I want … Continue reading Facebook my WordPress
R.E.M.
Stephen King is my favorite author. This is less of a declaration than a confession; he’s not that great a writer. His stories are usually long, unedited monsters that draw in unnecessary subplots, and drone on and on with overly expansive writing. As a master of imaginative stories, he expects no imagination from his readers. … Continue reading R.E.M.
The Memoirist
I’m a memoirist. That’s a clunky word, right? It’s hard to say. It seems like a bastardization of the English language. Constructed for convenience—akin to inventing new verbs like “strategize” or “dialogue.” Could it be a modern word, created to accommodate the billions of bloggers, just like me, who chronical the minutia of their lives? … Continue reading The Memoirist
Perspective
I just finished my breakfast—three eggs over-medium with pie. Apple pie. For me, this unusual breakfast is fairly common. Susan bakes. Not every day, but often. Apple pie is frequently in the mix, and it works well as a breakfast food. It’s mostly fruit and grain. But because it’s breakfast, you have to include the … Continue reading Perspective
SEO
If I were you, I wouldn’t even be reading this post. It’s about Search Engine Optimization—a topic that makes my eyes glaze over, makes my mind wander. I’d just move on to the next blogpost appearing in my reader. Blogging is my hobby—a multistage hobby that leaves me satisfied when I complete each part. I … Continue reading SEO
Vonnegut
“Any man who cannot support himself by doing a job better than a machine is employed by the government.” This is a bit of dialogue from Kurt Vonnegut’s first novel, Player Piano—his sardonic, dystopian view of a socialist future society. The future: circa 1960 because Player Piano was published in 1952. This quote has nothing … Continue reading Vonnegut
Jenn, Lance & Me
6/20/2015 Jenn Shelton keeps popping up in my life. You might be thinking "Who's Jenn Shelton?" She's a minor celebrity. A world-class ultra-marathon runner and a pretty good writer. She had a bit part in Christopher McDougall's massively bestselling Born to Run. Mostly as comic relief. The book made it seem like when she wasn't … Continue reading Jenn, Lance & Me
Going for a run
One o’clock in the afternoon. I’m heading home from the office. I’m working part time at a local company. It’s a great set-up for me. It’s right in my town, a mile from home, and the organization’s mission is right up my alley. It’s a domestic violence and sexual assault non-profit. We advocate against... we … Continue reading Going for a run
Whoppers
It’s important to me to be considered a “good” house. At the entrance to my neighborhood is a small seventies-era split-level home. It’s not well kept: over-grown bushes, peeling paint and an eroded set-back—that eight-foot parking strip between the street and the lawn in rural neighborhoods like mine. There are no curbs denoting the start of … Continue reading Whoppers
Field of Screams (flash non-fiction)
Tentatively, I push through the battered wooden door, past its scarred reddish hue, into the adjacent room. I crouch down to squeeze through the tiny opening. The spring-loaded hinge offers enough resistance to make me question my plan to carry on, to follow this path. As I clear the door, the room beyond is black … Continue reading Field of Screams (flash non-fiction)
Grinding my Axe
I’m trying something new. I’ve got an axe to grind, and I’ve never before used my blog to grind an axe. But I’ve got a platform, a readership—and I’m pissed. This is my opportunity to sway opinion, to reach a hundred, maybe two hundred people, to build a groundswell… against Sears. Picking up in the … Continue reading Grinding my Axe
Reader Poll: What would you take?
Each year, the middle school in Gettysburg runs a fundraiser for the PTO. They coerce the students to sell magazines and cookie dough. Each year, my kids pound the pavement, begging the neighbors to make a purchase. And of course, they rely on Susan and me to round out their sales to meet their quota. … Continue reading Reader Poll: What would you take?
One car, no truck
Twice, so far, Susan and I have been a one car family. Once when we were living in an urban environment with public transportation and convenient bike trails, and the other time, we simply had no use for a second vehicle. On Tuesday, we learned that our twenty-five-year-old pickup is broken. It’s going to cost … Continue reading One car, no truck
The Other Stuff 