This happened before, years ago, mornings just like today, a common occurrence. Over-thinking. A bad night’s sleep. Shaky. Hungover. Dry heaving. Brain-fogged. I don’t miss it. At all. I’ve worked myself into a tizzy. Tizzy (noun): a state of nervous excitement or agitation. Nervous excitement sounds fun. I’m in the agitation camp. I’m worried I’m … Continue reading When things aren’t right
Creative Nonfiction
A Bubble
A bubble on my ankle, slightly red, hard to see. Itchy. Soft and squishy. Immediately I think it's gotta be a tick Engorged and floppy, ready to be picked. Or a worm, burrowed, safe and warm, or spider eggs buried against the bone. Yesterday spent in grass and weeds, immersed in brush and under trees. … Continue reading A Bubble
#BlackLivesMatter #NotMyBag
“This is my first protest,” I said. Susan and I drove towards the square, the sign Sophie made awaiting debut, it's birth, safely strapped in our back seat. I’m not demonstrative, I don’t demonstrate. I ponder, get pissed. I tell the world exactly how I feel, quietly, on my couch, through words, written, not shouted … Continue reading #BlackLivesMatter #NotMyBag
White Guys with Guns
Happy Fourth of July. My plan for the day was to get up early and go kayaking with Susan. The kayaks were already on the car. Eli went kayaking yesterday with his friend, Jonah, and we never put them away (the kayaks, not the kids). While it’s not a huge deal to load the kayaks … Continue reading White Guys with Guns
Roz
Roz. For me, the name evokes images of a past-prime babe. The girl who peaked in her teens. Now hanging out at a bar. Boozy, desperate. Trying to recapture the glory of her youth. Not yet old, but getting there, and definitely worn out. That’s the image I see, anyway. We all have name biases. … Continue reading Roz
We must do better
January 20, 2021. 8:00 PM EST. The screen fades from black. The president stares intently at the camera. He takes a deep breath and lets it out with an audible sigh. My fellow Americans, the time for games is over. It’s time to stop pointing fingers—at politicians, at medical institutions, at other countries. We can’t … Continue reading We must do better
Guilt
A couple days ago, Joe died from depression. The cause of death will be listed as suicide, but I vehemently disagree. As my mother died, her liver shut down. Slowly her blood became toxic. She became loopy and then disoriented and finally settled into a painful, moaning stupor. And then she died. I never saw … Continue reading Guilt
Radio Raheem
For me, it started with Radio Raheem. 1989: At twenty-seven I wasn’t woke. We didn’t use that term then, which is fine with me because I find it beyond annoying. Better adjectives for me included immature, self-absorbed, sheltered, suburban. In 1988, I moved into Washington, DC. Not into what would be considered a nice neighborhood. … Continue reading Radio Raheem
‘The role of cars during covid-19’ for the people of tomorrow
What did you do during the lockdown? Sophie drives. Almost daily she heads out onto the country roads that surround Gettysburg. She has no destination, no one to see, she just likes motoring down the roads. When I start the car the next morning, the radio blares. On a lucky day, it’s music, but usually … Continue reading ‘The role of cars during covid-19’ for the people of tomorrow
Vampires
“I have to run into work for a sec. You want to ride along?” “Nah, I’m about to eat lunch.” “It’s 3:15!” Today’s latest evidence—my kids are becoming vampires. Me, channeling my mother: “Get out of bed, the day’s half over!” “Why?” I don’t have an answer. Why go to bed early? Why not sleep … Continue reading Vampires
Lonely moments before dawn
Shaken awake with triggers pulled, all my boxed checked. Unprepared for a meeting; running late; walking through work without my shirt. The guests arrive, too little food for everyone. I haven’t failed yet, but I will. You don’t want to read about my dream, you have nightmares of your own. At almost dawn, thirty minutes … Continue reading Lonely moments before dawn
GAIA GPS
Is this a product review? I dunno, maybe. It’s a tribute, an ode, accolades, praise. And just like that, I’m a BadAss again. BadAss: Back when my blog was specifically about running, I sought to become a BABWTR (Babywater), a BadAss Back Woods Trail Runner. The sort of dude who can run off into the … Continue reading GAIA GPS
Mindfulness
Debbie wrote about the difficulty of mindfulness. “I’m more inclined to always think about what’s next, what’s tomorrow or the next day.” Mindfulness (noun): a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Debbie made me … Continue reading Mindfulness
Waiting for Comcast
Lately I’m seeing some depression slip in. It’s mostly evident in the body oils that leak into my eyes from a lack of showers. The internet died and died again and again and stayed dead. Me, unable to catch my breath or take a deep breath waiting for Comcast to call back. I snapped at … Continue reading Waiting for Comcast
N95
It reminded me of a panic attack. A claustrophobic, closed-in feeling. Restricted breathing and obscured vision—except it lasted for forty minutes. I just shopped at Lowe’s wearing an N95 mask. Bear with me, lots to explain: Lowe’s – The other day, a blogger mentioned watching a TV show on ABC. Oh, interesting, I thought, they … Continue reading N95
Sorry, but now I must dash
I don’t pay attention to fashion. Truthfully, I don’t pay attention to anything—I’m the most unobservant person I know. But I really don’t pay attention to fashion. Clothes, hairstyles, makeup. Ask me about anyone outside of my family and I’ll draw a blank. You say “Kate’s pretty, but she wears too much makeup.” I say … Continue reading Sorry, but now I must dash
Hope
When you talk about it, you need to look for hope. This statement has been in my thoughts all day. Anyone who regularly reads this blog already knows what I’m writing about. I’m only thinking about one thing these days: COVID-19. You probably have a good idea who made the statement, as well. Three and … Continue reading Hope
When I was a D!ck
Years ago, when I joined The Writers' Brigade, Gettysburg's only public writers' group, long-time member Keith Johnson put a name to the steady stream of intensely personal prose I churned out. He called it confessional nonfiction. The name fit. Much of what I produced seemed to spring from an uncontrollable desire to come clean. To … Continue reading When I was a D!ck
Small Waves
…and then Buck pounced on the gunman… Is pounce a playful word? I think of a cat springing to catch a mouse or a mole in tall grass; not to eat, maybe catch and release. I don’t mean to use the word playfully, Buck meant to kill. Last night, I watched The Call of the … Continue reading Small Waves
Of vegans and hoarders
I’m part of the problem. Our pantry is full of food: pasta, rice, beans. Our freezer is packed: frozen fruits and vegetables, lots of French fries, some pre-made burgers, pounds of chicken. The snack cabinet, overflowing: cheddar pretzels, corn chips, popcorn, snack mix, potato chips (Utz, Lays, Hanover), granola bars, Clif Bars, fruit gummies. Boxes … Continue reading Of vegans and hoarders
The Other Stuff 