Forty-year-old song lyrics I can recite from memory: I have a sad story to tell you, It may hurt your feelings a bit Last night when I walked into my bathroom I stepped in a big pile of Shhhh-aving cream, be nice and clean, Shave every day and you'll always look keen! If you remember the … Continue reading Shaving Cream
A most unusual resignation letter
Today I quit my job. Well, I haven’t told anyone yet, so: Today I decided to quit my job. And it isn’t my real job, not the one that supports my family. It’s my hobby-job. My fun job. My job as a spin instructor. The joy is gone. Tonight was the second week in a … Continue reading A most unusual resignation letter
Kid Food
Jiffy Pop, Jiffy Pop the magic treat — as much fun to make as it is to eat. I’ve known this jingle my entire life. Jiffy Pop was invented in 1959, three years before I was born. As a kid, I loved to make my own food. It was a rush that I could make … Continue reading Kid Food
Careen
Six-year-old me at the top of a hill. Straddling my bike, everything normal except the absence of a chain. “This will be great,” they said. “Without breaks, you’ll go faster.” 1969, a blue Schwinn with a white seat, a twenty-inch job. Still too big for teeny, tiny me. The ubiquitous stingray design that dominated the … Continue reading Careen
The Shimmering Image
I’ve taken two writing courses in my life. One class—Creative Nonfiction, I enrolled in it as I first embarked on my writing hobby—was phenomenal. Useful, educational, fun. I walked away with a two-thousand-word essay that makes me proud to this very day. The second class, taken on the heels of the first, gave me nothing. … Continue reading The Shimmering Image
Casual
Casual. What a prompt. I could write a book. Attire has been front and center in my thoughts for three weeks. That’s when I started a new job. In fact, I’ve already written about this. Maybe I should just re-post my recent essay Adult. For twenty years, my life has been a study in clothes. Comfortable … Continue reading Casual
Moon Phases
I’m not an astronomer, an astrophysicist, or any other type of spacey science professional that offers me any credibility or credentialed knowledge on this topic. I studied business administration in college. Through my interests and my work, I know a lot about finance, fitness, child care and marketing. Not space. Not astronomy. But I happen … Continue reading Moon Phases
Pest
The clock inches slowly closer to 8:00 AM. Her starting time. 7:05. 7:15. 7:30. I return for the fourth time to wake Sophie up. To get her out of bed. God knows what time she went to sleep. It could have been 10:00, it could have been 2:00. I was out by 9:30. But work … Continue reading Pest
Adult
“I have a personal question.” This is Crystal, my coworker—actually, she works for me. Her voice is barely above a whisper. She’s treading on dangerous ground. This is the first conversation we’ve had. “Why is there a bird on your truck?” A couple of years ago, I drilled a pair of holes into my truck-bed … Continue reading Adult
Solo
Working together. Complimenting one another. Picking up the job where another leaves off. This isn’t me. I go it alone. I do it all myself. I’m solitary. Solo. That’s easier to manage. I’m never let down. When I first met my step-sister she was in high school. It was a get-together at my father’s new … Continue reading Solo
I miss…
Intellectual bathroom graffiti: I F*@KED YOUR MOTHER! Directly beneath this gem, in a different pen, a different hand: GO HOME DAD, YOU”RE DRUNK! I’d like to stop right there. A flash-post. Call it done. Flash what? Not fiction. This one is real. On the bathroom wall of the Tune Inn, circa 1986. Every time I … Continue reading I miss…
Something to chew
From my Gratitude Journal. 7/20: Bitter, grainy. The aroma, when carefully considered, contains a whisper of something foul—a woodsy rot, perhaps a hint of cat pee. Regardless, each sip, like a bite of a decadent dessert. It fills my mouth and warms my body. Almost something to chew. My coffee is brewed in a stove-top … Continue reading Something to chew
Gratitude
“Don’t let your attitude affect your gratitude!” That’s me talking. “Dad! Shut up! You sound like a stupid kids’ TV show.” This is Eli, he’s eleven. Is he allowed to tell me to shut up? I guess so—when I’m being obnoxious. I’ve been saying the attitude/gratitude thing over and over. I say it like this: … Continue reading Gratitude
Great Expectations
Yes, I know that title’s already been used. ~ ~ ~ ~ “Hundreds of new followers? Isn’t that a good thing?” This was my daughter Sophie. I just told her about having my post featured in WordPress’s Discover. This happened on Sunday morning at 9:00. Seven hours later, Sophie was just getting home. She slept … Continue reading Great Expectations
Tethered
Raining. Stuck inside, riding the couch. A sick day from work. Bored, listless. The invasive, morning procedure now complete. Thirty-six hours of fasting; three hours sequestered in the loo; forty minutes of probing. Hungover from anesthesia and calorie-deficiency. I want to nap... or eat. The suction of the couch, holding me in place. Tethered. *********** … Continue reading Tethered
An itch I gotta scratch
My workplace is large. It’s a community center: a weight room, basketball courts, aerobics rooms, swimming pool, child care center, coffee shop. Tying it all together is a long, straight hallway—a hallway I travel several times a day. Gazing down the hall, I can be seen walking with purpose… on my way to get things … Continue reading An itch I gotta scratch
Live each day without judgement
I’m goal oriented—meaning I aim towards setting goals. And then I nail them. Find the right medication for Tourettes, run a 50K, score a new job; these are a few from the past year, all complete. The year before that had a few as well: publish a book and quit drinking are a couple of … Continue reading Live each day without judgement
Sweet and Naughty
“Maybe we could put a swing in our sunroom.” Yes, a swing. Two heavy ropes bolted to the ceiling supporting a plank of wood. My family now wants a swing as a novelty seat somewhere in our house. Each day we take a lunchtime break from the sun. It’s needed. Every beach session ends on … Continue reading Sweet and Naughty
Follow
When I hit follow, I mean it. Many WordPress users follow blogs simply to get a follow back. To boost their numbers. I understand this. Because it happens to me so infrequently, getting a follower is like a small hit of crack. A rush. Topping a milestone, 100, 200, etc, is something more. But I … Continue reading Follow
A new me
The drinker who doesn’t drink. That’s me. I quit eighteen months ago. No backsliding, no cheating. Once I got through the first few months, it hasn’t really been that bad. I have Tourettes Syndrome. But you’d never know it. My tics are fully in control. Effectively medicated with no obvious side-effects. As an added bonus, … Continue reading A new me
The Other Stuff 